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How do we get him out on his own?
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<blockquote data-quote="katya02" data-source="post: 366741" data-attributes="member: 2884"><p>We had a similar situation up until a year ago, when our difficult child 1 moved out. You're absolutely right that your son is a guest at this point, although I gather that, depending on which state you reside in, you might have to take legal steps to formally evict him should you decide to show him the door. </p><p>However, before you decide to drop him at a homeless shelter, you can try a couple of things if you feel so inclined. A contract that stipulates the rules and conditions under which he may live in your home is a useful thing, as long as you are prepared to back up the consequences you lay out. It can be helpful to draw up something like this with the help of a family therapist who will support both of you. Any rule you put down must have a consequence listed for breaking it, and you must be prepared to follow through. No drug or alcohol use, no weapons, payment of rent, a deadline for getting a job (and holding it), rules of behavior and courtesy, etc. are common. You can make it as brief or as detailed as you like. You sit down with your son, perhaps in the presence of the family counselor, and all of you sign the contract. Your son is likely to break at least some of the rules to test your resolve, so have Plan B ready. If it makes you more comfortable to have a list of local homeless shelters or social service agencies, you can hand that to him should he decide not to live with the contract. </p><p></p><p>It doesn't guarantee happy endings or immediate peace, but many difficult children can tell when parents are serious about enforcing consequences. Sometimes it makes them pause and think; other times they carry on as they've been doing. When that happens, at least you know you've been clear about your expectations and boundaries and it's his choice to go. Of course, if he's doing anything illegal or dangerous that doesn't need a contract; your safety comes first. And violence (I know you didn't mention that he's violent, but should it happen) should never be tolerated - it requires a call to police and charges laid. Of course, this is general advice - take what you like, leave what you like. </p><p></p><p>I'm sorry you're in this situation, but many here have been there too. We know how hard it is.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="katya02, post: 366741, member: 2884"] We had a similar situation up until a year ago, when our difficult child 1 moved out. You're absolutely right that your son is a guest at this point, although I gather that, depending on which state you reside in, you might have to take legal steps to formally evict him should you decide to show him the door. However, before you decide to drop him at a homeless shelter, you can try a couple of things if you feel so inclined. A contract that stipulates the rules and conditions under which he may live in your home is a useful thing, as long as you are prepared to back up the consequences you lay out. It can be helpful to draw up something like this with the help of a family therapist who will support both of you. Any rule you put down must have a consequence listed for breaking it, and you must be prepared to follow through. No drug or alcohol use, no weapons, payment of rent, a deadline for getting a job (and holding it), rules of behavior and courtesy, etc. are common. You can make it as brief or as detailed as you like. You sit down with your son, perhaps in the presence of the family counselor, and all of you sign the contract. Your son is likely to break at least some of the rules to test your resolve, so have Plan B ready. If it makes you more comfortable to have a list of local homeless shelters or social service agencies, you can hand that to him should he decide not to live with the contract. It doesn't guarantee happy endings or immediate peace, but many difficult children can tell when parents are serious about enforcing consequences. Sometimes it makes them pause and think; other times they carry on as they've been doing. When that happens, at least you know you've been clear about your expectations and boundaries and it's his choice to go. Of course, if he's doing anything illegal or dangerous that doesn't need a contract; your safety comes first. And violence (I know you didn't mention that he's violent, but should it happen) should never be tolerated - it requires a call to police and charges laid. Of course, this is general advice - take what you like, leave what you like. I'm sorry you're in this situation, but many here have been there too. We know how hard it is. [/QUOTE]
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How do we get him out on his own?
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