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How do we get him out on his own?
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 366963" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>MWM has some good points but no handicap means that you must allow him to live at home. I would write up a contract and insist he agree and sign it or move out. I would insist that it is YOUR house and you can search it at will. I would NOT search when he is at home but would go in and remove any contraband items and any items that are not his. </p><p></p><p>He is likely abusing drugs while he is out with friends. As he is a legal adult and his friends are not, you are in BIG trouble if he is arrested with them. If he is selling drugs and has them in your home at any time you CAN lose your home. It is not likely but it CAN happen. IF you search and notify the police if you find any drugs then you should be OK. The problem would be if he is dealing and the cops think you know about it and are not reporting him. It is a universal truth that if you do drugs you sell drugs. You either sell to pay for your own habit or you are getting them for a "friend" and the friend is paying you for them. </p><p></p><p>The weapons would be a deal breaker for me. Any weapon in my home and you are out in less than 24 hours. Period. Find the guns and get rid of them. Same for any other weapon. </p><p></p><p>Contact the DVR and ask them to help find housing for him. As a parent I would want to try to find housing for my child if he had problems that came from being exposed to drugs/alcohol before birth. Once an option is found I would let my child choose to either go and make the best of that option or to find some other place to live on his own. Either way he would be out. If you can afford first and last month's rent in a cheap apartment that would be an option. Let him have his bed (it may be too trashed to make a decent guest bed anyway) and maybe pick up some used furniture, give him some basics or money to buy them himself, and let him do what he will with it. Just make sure that he knows that he cannot come home and he has to pay the rent the next month by himself.</p><p></p><p>If he is eligible for SSI or disability it may be the only way he can support himself. Is he capable of working or is he too disabled to hold a job?Either way he needs to be pushed out of the nest to find his own way. It is not going to be easy. If he is not impaired and chooses to not work, then he needs to feel ALL the consequences of that choice. </p><p></p><p>If you do not force him out he will NEVER improve. NEVER. It is hard, but it is also a very loving thing to do. Even if he chooses to continue his way, it is still loving to push him to make the most of himself and his life. As long as it is easy he will NEVER leave and will NEVER keep a job. </p><p></p><p>Make sure your husband is on the same page with the contract and/or the new apartment. It will be impossible to make this happen if you are not in some kind of agreement. </p><p></p><p>I am sorry that it is necessary to do all of this, but it really is what is best for your son. It also sets a much better example for your other son.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 366963, member: 1233"] MWM has some good points but no handicap means that you must allow him to live at home. I would write up a contract and insist he agree and sign it or move out. I would insist that it is YOUR house and you can search it at will. I would NOT search when he is at home but would go in and remove any contraband items and any items that are not his. He is likely abusing drugs while he is out with friends. As he is a legal adult and his friends are not, you are in BIG trouble if he is arrested with them. If he is selling drugs and has them in your home at any time you CAN lose your home. It is not likely but it CAN happen. IF you search and notify the police if you find any drugs then you should be OK. The problem would be if he is dealing and the cops think you know about it and are not reporting him. It is a universal truth that if you do drugs you sell drugs. You either sell to pay for your own habit or you are getting them for a "friend" and the friend is paying you for them. The weapons would be a deal breaker for me. Any weapon in my home and you are out in less than 24 hours. Period. Find the guns and get rid of them. Same for any other weapon. Contact the DVR and ask them to help find housing for him. As a parent I would want to try to find housing for my child if he had problems that came from being exposed to drugs/alcohol before birth. Once an option is found I would let my child choose to either go and make the best of that option or to find some other place to live on his own. Either way he would be out. If you can afford first and last month's rent in a cheap apartment that would be an option. Let him have his bed (it may be too trashed to make a decent guest bed anyway) and maybe pick up some used furniture, give him some basics or money to buy them himself, and let him do what he will with it. Just make sure that he knows that he cannot come home and he has to pay the rent the next month by himself. If he is eligible for SSI or disability it may be the only way he can support himself. Is he capable of working or is he too disabled to hold a job?Either way he needs to be pushed out of the nest to find his own way. It is not going to be easy. If he is not impaired and chooses to not work, then he needs to feel ALL the consequences of that choice. If you do not force him out he will NEVER improve. NEVER. It is hard, but it is also a very loving thing to do. Even if he chooses to continue his way, it is still loving to push him to make the most of himself and his life. As long as it is easy he will NEVER leave and will NEVER keep a job. Make sure your husband is on the same page with the contract and/or the new apartment. It will be impossible to make this happen if you are not in some kind of agreement. I am sorry that it is necessary to do all of this, but it really is what is best for your son. It also sets a much better example for your other son. [/QUOTE]
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