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How do you deal with your difficult child's insults, etc?
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<blockquote data-quote="buddy" data-source="post: 493610" data-attributes="member: 12886"><p>Allan-M I agree with you. However, brain injury is a different beast. People who have neurological reasons for swearing that are triggered by electrical issues (not just swearing but sometimes dangerous behaviors like pounding on things, running away in a panic etc...) sometimes need a way just to have it interrupted. Safety first. working on those things is best when it can be done. And if everytime I try to talk to him he just screams and covers his ears there is not any problem solving that can be done. I really would love for you to have him for a week and show me how because I would prefer it. But being pretty good at this stuff, I can tell you, there are times that the short run just stop the behavior... and then mitigate the damages is the only option. Research on my son's kind of brain injury shows that the best way to develop a behavior is to DO it over and over and over so that the automatic pathways become the ones most frequently used. This is true for people who do not have behavior problems but have brain injuries and just need to learn other skills. There are times when CPS works with him. We even have school people who are willing to use this more and more which I have found really hard to come by. But he is quite cognitively impaired and not able to sort through things .... which is a skill deficit we work on but until that time... these theories just do not help us alone. He sometimes is in full panic mode, or shut down completely. My goal is to avoid any escalation that will cause true danger at those moments...and auditory input is a HUGE trigger for him. Not a time to problem solve..(yes I get it that it is to be done before this, just like avoiding the trigger that caused the issue should have been considered...and use of medications should have stopped the extra electrical activity that can trigger it too...just does not always happen that way. </p><p> </p><p> But as i said, all things being ideal, I would 100% agree that developing the skills and problem solving with his input to be able to make better choices and to do the right thing because it is intrinsically rewarding and important to him, would be ideal. And for sure, JUST using consequences imposed does not in the long run help in our case. But it DID and DOES temporarily stop the behavior that was escalating. And I did avoid teaching him that it was a bluff which would have really done us in. My goal would be to not have to go there, but I do agree with others that this is not real life. </p><p></p><p>I do believe that some logical consequences work because I hear my son tell me...again after a lot of working on it and combining with problem solving...the words and actions that show he learned it. (example he gave his game boy a bath two years ago.... it didnt work at all for a long time and never fully recovered. I did give it a time out for a long time until he was willing to work on the skill... he refused to discuss it as usual when in a panic and upset. "How else could I clean the screen mom???" Well, we discussed that, we practiced using the right cloth etc. The subject and impulse came over and over...we interrupted it and went to the cloth over and over... Sometimes I did have to take it away to "give the game boy" a break.... can't be safe with it, can't have it. Now he has the samsung galaxy. He said two days ago that he was going to give it a bath and I did not react wondering if he was just trying to see what I would do, lol. And immediately after that...like the thought was all one sentence...he said but that will break it forever, right mom??? He said he never wanted it to be gone because it is so special. Water would ruin it. He got the cloth and rubbed the screen gently. ) (and this not so dumb mom bought accident insurance including spills and drops in water). </p><p></p><p>I strive for problem solving but with his cognitive issues, seizure issues, tics--(which NO ONE has any good ideas on working with other than to ride them out,,,uggg) and my human mistakes, I can only try. I will for sure use consequences which are not ideal but may save us from a bigger issue and then I will have to pay the price and work through the problems that imposing that consequence created. I have found in our case that this is where you can do both and there can be problem solving after the fact. I really do not think it is either or, but each family and child is different. </p><p></p><p>I know for sure that one thing that makes it not as good for Q but is a reality in our life.... We live in a town home which has other homes on each side and one small home below us. I simply can not let him pound on their walls, scream in the middle of the night, throw things at their siding and windows, scream obscene names at them etc. And NO, the natural consequences of allowing them to call cps and police to have them intervene will not help. You think <strong><em>I </em></strong>have a hard time not imposing useless consequences.... well just let them take over. He is still reeling from our calling 911 and his having to go to the hospital with that medication reaction. All he knows is how he felt and what they said. He does not fully grasp that the medications were causing his upset. the theory is wonderful, and the methods do work in the long run once you can work with them.... I just have not found that one way of doing things works for us in real life. And I have been on board with RDI for a LLLOOOONNNGGG time, Since Q was a really little guy. Not only with him but with students.</p><p></p><p>I will just have to keep doing my best and being as kind to myself for my mistakes as I am with others.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="buddy, post: 493610, member: 12886"] Allan-M I agree with you. However, brain injury is a different beast. People who have neurological reasons for swearing that are triggered by electrical issues (not just swearing but sometimes dangerous behaviors like pounding on things, running away in a panic etc...) sometimes need a way just to have it interrupted. Safety first. working on those things is best when it can be done. And if everytime I try to talk to him he just screams and covers his ears there is not any problem solving that can be done. I really would love for you to have him for a week and show me how because I would prefer it. But being pretty good at this stuff, I can tell you, there are times that the short run just stop the behavior... and then mitigate the damages is the only option. Research on my son's kind of brain injury shows that the best way to develop a behavior is to DO it over and over and over so that the automatic pathways become the ones most frequently used. This is true for people who do not have behavior problems but have brain injuries and just need to learn other skills. There are times when CPS works with him. We even have school people who are willing to use this more and more which I have found really hard to come by. But he is quite cognitively impaired and not able to sort through things .... which is a skill deficit we work on but until that time... these theories just do not help us alone. He sometimes is in full panic mode, or shut down completely. My goal is to avoid any escalation that will cause true danger at those moments...and auditory input is a HUGE trigger for him. Not a time to problem solve..(yes I get it that it is to be done before this, just like avoiding the trigger that caused the issue should have been considered...and use of medications should have stopped the extra electrical activity that can trigger it too...just does not always happen that way. But as i said, all things being ideal, I would 100% agree that developing the skills and problem solving with his input to be able to make better choices and to do the right thing because it is intrinsically rewarding and important to him, would be ideal. And for sure, JUST using consequences imposed does not in the long run help in our case. But it DID and DOES temporarily stop the behavior that was escalating. And I did avoid teaching him that it was a bluff which would have really done us in. My goal would be to not have to go there, but I do agree with others that this is not real life. I do believe that some logical consequences work because I hear my son tell me...again after a lot of working on it and combining with problem solving...the words and actions that show he learned it. (example he gave his game boy a bath two years ago.... it didnt work at all for a long time and never fully recovered. I did give it a time out for a long time until he was willing to work on the skill... he refused to discuss it as usual when in a panic and upset. "How else could I clean the screen mom???" Well, we discussed that, we practiced using the right cloth etc. The subject and impulse came over and over...we interrupted it and went to the cloth over and over... Sometimes I did have to take it away to "give the game boy" a break.... can't be safe with it, can't have it. Now he has the samsung galaxy. He said two days ago that he was going to give it a bath and I did not react wondering if he was just trying to see what I would do, lol. And immediately after that...like the thought was all one sentence...he said but that will break it forever, right mom??? He said he never wanted it to be gone because it is so special. Water would ruin it. He got the cloth and rubbed the screen gently. ) (and this not so dumb mom bought accident insurance including spills and drops in water). I strive for problem solving but with his cognitive issues, seizure issues, tics--(which NO ONE has any good ideas on working with other than to ride them out,,,uggg) and my human mistakes, I can only try. I will for sure use consequences which are not ideal but may save us from a bigger issue and then I will have to pay the price and work through the problems that imposing that consequence created. I have found in our case that this is where you can do both and there can be problem solving after the fact. I really do not think it is either or, but each family and child is different. I know for sure that one thing that makes it not as good for Q but is a reality in our life.... We live in a town home which has other homes on each side and one small home below us. I simply can not let him pound on their walls, scream in the middle of the night, throw things at their siding and windows, scream obscene names at them etc. And NO, the natural consequences of allowing them to call cps and police to have them intervene will not help. You think [B][I]I [/I][/B]have a hard time not imposing useless consequences.... well just let them take over. He is still reeling from our calling 911 and his having to go to the hospital with that medication reaction. All he knows is how he felt and what they said. He does not fully grasp that the medications were causing his upset. the theory is wonderful, and the methods do work in the long run once you can work with them.... I just have not found that one way of doing things works for us in real life. And I have been on board with RDI for a LLLOOOONNNGGG time, Since Q was a really little guy. Not only with him but with students. I will just have to keep doing my best and being as kind to myself for my mistakes as I am with others. [/QUOTE]
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