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General Parenting
How do you deal with your difficult child's insults, etc?
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<blockquote data-quote="buddy" data-source="post: 493613" data-attributes="member: 12886"><p>thank you kindly. I really feel I wish I had been able to do more of the problem solving first. but once I caught myself making that mistake...or not really a mistake as much as it is what I really felt I needed to do at that time since he is so uncommunicative at those points.....I had to do it the way that works best for us. And that means I can't make it a HUGE consequence that will end the world forever (like no internet for a week or even a day...he has to work through how to earn it back and what to do to avoid it happening again)..... and then also not just giving up. I do think it is working and combining the ideas is not ideal but working for us and the proof of that was that he did stop and he did try to repair our relationship and to show respect in order to be able to have the privilege. But there are times I admit I realize I have gone too far and I do a total "do over " and admit to him that I made a mistake. He will sometimes say then "I knew I could get my way" which makes me want to add a million more punishments....but being his mom and knowing him well.... I really know he is just telling me the truth, not trying to be disrespectful. He really thought that. so we discussed the many times that a tantrum does not work (and he can list them too!) and then I explain why we are doing a "do over" and I am amazed at how effectively this works.... probably because it is not frequent and only in those really over the top days . I know others here have told me they do "do over" times too when you are in such a hole. </p><p></p><p>I hope you never have to go to that place. But I have full confidence you will find the things that work for you and J, and am also confident you will make mistakes like I do! After all, we are just human moms. Not perfect.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="buddy, post: 493613, member: 12886"] thank you kindly. I really feel I wish I had been able to do more of the problem solving first. but once I caught myself making that mistake...or not really a mistake as much as it is what I really felt I needed to do at that time since he is so uncommunicative at those points.....I had to do it the way that works best for us. And that means I can't make it a HUGE consequence that will end the world forever (like no internet for a week or even a day...he has to work through how to earn it back and what to do to avoid it happening again)..... and then also not just giving up. I do think it is working and combining the ideas is not ideal but working for us and the proof of that was that he did stop and he did try to repair our relationship and to show respect in order to be able to have the privilege. But there are times I admit I realize I have gone too far and I do a total "do over " and admit to him that I made a mistake. He will sometimes say then "I knew I could get my way" which makes me want to add a million more punishments....but being his mom and knowing him well.... I really know he is just telling me the truth, not trying to be disrespectful. He really thought that. so we discussed the many times that a tantrum does not work (and he can list them too!) and then I explain why we are doing a "do over" and I am amazed at how effectively this works.... probably because it is not frequent and only in those really over the top days . I know others here have told me they do "do over" times too when you are in such a hole. I hope you never have to go to that place. But I have full confidence you will find the things that work for you and J, and am also confident you will make mistakes like I do! After all, we are just human moms. Not perfect. [/QUOTE]
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How do you deal with your difficult child's insults, etc?
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