How do you deal?


New Member
my son is an addict. Been in jail for 4 months. Getting released tomorrow, just found out about an hour ago. I live 900 miles away. There is no one to pick him up, he is being released with no shirt (how he was arrested) shorts, & sandals. No money, no job. I enabled him for years, & it destroyed my life, marriage & family. I am in hospital having colon reaction in 2 days. I can't help him anymore as I am broke, the begging from him is unbearable. How do i live with turning ur back on him? He has nothing? I know he brought it on himself. I feel if I go in surgery with this much worry, I won't make it. I don't know where to turn,

Feeling Sad

Well-Known Member
Is there a counselor, social worker, therapist, or minister at the hospital? If you talk to someone, it will help you to feel more calm. Yes, right now, you are the prority. You need to be strong for your health right now.

A staff social worker can help you to deal with this. Yes, your son needs help, but he needs to want help and chose to use this help on his own. The social worker can tell you about specific shelters, drug rehabs, sober living houses, etc. for your son. But, he needs to do this all by himself. Not you. I think that by having the knowledge of the numerous, easily accessible programs near him will allow you to relax a bit.

You know, that even if you drove him to each place, he could still say, "No". Or, run off the next day, while keeping your money. He needs to do it.

Speak to someone there so that you can sleep and rest up for your procedure.

This site is full of loving parents that have finally reached their personal breaking point. Too much destruction of property, lying, stealing, siblings lives ruined, and broken promises. They came to the very painful realization that their help and support, combined with allowing them to live in their house, was not only not helping their children, but hurting their children.

He will get clothes. There are many programs out there eager to help. I have read that it is much easier to be disrespectful and say no to one parent, than to many kind people at the shelter. He needs to face real life to want to change. Love, sadly, is not enough.

My heart feels your pain. You are on this site because you love your child. We are here for you. My son is mentally ill, but I let him live with me for 9 years. I had to file a restraining order 3 1/2 months ago because he was threatening my life. Yes, I love him. I have been told by several therapists that he could not ever get better living here. I, in fact, could have made him worse. I regret my choices now. My choices made out of love.

Keep posting. It truly helps. Others will be along... My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Feeling Sad

Well-Known Member
Annea, one more thing. Support groups through National Alliance Mental Illness and Alannon are both great. It helps to talk to other parents. They understand and help you feel that you are not going through it alone. They have wonderful coping stategies and ideas to share. Best of all, they are free.

Going to support groups, being on this wonderful site, and seeing a weekly therapist has been what has helped me go through this horrible ordeal. I feel that my guilty feelings are the worst. But, day by day, I am getting stronger. I have bonded with friends on this site. Brave friends who help others, while they themselves are hurting.

We are listening...


Well-Known Member
I agree - he needs to find a shelter or a church when he gets out. There are many awesome people out there to help. You need to take care of YOU so you are able to be there when he has made different choices for his life. (((HUGS)))


Well-Known Member
Hi and welcome Annea,

I hope your surgery goes well!

Please let us know how you are doing.

You son must learn to take care of himself and solve his own problems. There really is a lot of help available out there for him, and he will start to figure things out on his own when he doesn't have you doing the work for him.

You must take care of yourself right now. You have gotten some great advice here. Please take care of yourself!

Stay with us.


Feeling Sad

Well-Known Member
Our thoughts and prayers are with you through your surgery and the healing that follows.

This is what has helped me, as well as others on this sight. You need to care for you and try to keep yourself healthy both physically and emotionally.

Your son needs to seek help on his own now and get better over time. That is his job now.

You need to be strong for when that time comes that your son is consistently in treatment and is in a more healthy place to see you again. You need to be healthy for that day.

We do not ever know when that day will happen. But, you must be there for him, strong and calm when it does.

Stay healthy and focus on your own healing. You are the priority right now.

Stay in contact with us. Take care.


Well-Known Member
Annea you certainly have a lot on your plate right now. Everyone has given you some good advice. It is most important that you take care of yourself right now. Have you tried telling your son that he should seek out treatment centers?