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How do you "discipline"
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 536702" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I'm coming this as an adoptive mom with a child who had reduced ability to control his impulses due to his birthmother's pre-natal choices. I adopted another child who spent his early years in an orphanage. Does your daughter really have Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE)? Any form of fetal alcohol syndrome is brain damage. Also, I'm guess she probably also has a form of attachment disorder.</p><p></p><p>I don't think our older adopted kids who started out in orphanages can be disciplined the way our children who were born without drugs in their systems are disciplined. Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE) compromises a child's ability to understand cause and affect. Therefore, you can give her even instant consequences to behavior and she doesn't learn from it. Is this something you noticed? Repetition does not often work with Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE)/Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) anything fetal alcohol. This is a serious diagnosis, even if the child does not have the entire syndrome.</p><p></p><p>I totally suggest you see a specialist in children who were adopted. Most have experience with alcohol exposed behavior and "orphanage babies." They are different animals from other difficult children, some of their problems being medical and neurobiological differences and attachment issues. A regular professional, who does not have a lot of experience with kids like this, is unlikely to help a child with such a complicated beginning. Many don't "get" how their early starts continue to affect them.</p><p></p><p>It's totally up to you how you proceed to try to help her but in my opinion it has to be done differently than those who have had birthchildren difficult children and those who adopted HEALTHY (not drug exposed) infants. What kind of assessments has she had and did she ever see anybody who is very familiar with orphanage babies?</p><p></p><p>To Malika: It is too bad some of our kids were mistreated even before birth. However, it doesn't help to be angry at their abuse. What helps in my opinion is becoming proactive in treatment and getting them the best they can have so that they can become the best possible, regarding their potential. You can't let a child be violent just because he was treated in a violent way. That just repeats the cycle, which happens all too often anyway...Believe it or not, these kids tend to respond best to very structured and strict caregivers who they believe will keep them safe. Loving on them is fine, but it doesn't solve the problem and some are afraid of love and get even worse. That's why in my opinion our amateur help can't do much for this particular mom. Her child has issues that are deeper than most of our children's. She needs a serioius professional who understands child who have experienced what this child did before she even met her family. With a child from an orphanage who may have Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE), leniency is NOT your friend, unfortunately. They need concrete consequences that are very consistant and must be watched carefully, especially if there are other children around.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 536702, member: 1550"] I'm coming this as an adoptive mom with a child who had reduced ability to control his impulses due to his birthmother's pre-natal choices. I adopted another child who spent his early years in an orphanage. Does your daughter really have Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE)? Any form of fetal alcohol syndrome is brain damage. Also, I'm guess she probably also has a form of attachment disorder. I don't think our older adopted kids who started out in orphanages can be disciplined the way our children who were born without drugs in their systems are disciplined. Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE) compromises a child's ability to understand cause and affect. Therefore, you can give her even instant consequences to behavior and she doesn't learn from it. Is this something you noticed? Repetition does not often work with Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE)/Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) anything fetal alcohol. This is a serious diagnosis, even if the child does not have the entire syndrome. I totally suggest you see a specialist in children who were adopted. Most have experience with alcohol exposed behavior and "orphanage babies." They are different animals from other difficult children, some of their problems being medical and neurobiological differences and attachment issues. A regular professional, who does not have a lot of experience with kids like this, is unlikely to help a child with such a complicated beginning. Many don't "get" how their early starts continue to affect them. It's totally up to you how you proceed to try to help her but in my opinion it has to be done differently than those who have had birthchildren difficult children and those who adopted HEALTHY (not drug exposed) infants. What kind of assessments has she had and did she ever see anybody who is very familiar with orphanage babies? To Malika: It is too bad some of our kids were mistreated even before birth. However, it doesn't help to be angry at their abuse. What helps in my opinion is becoming proactive in treatment and getting them the best they can have so that they can become the best possible, regarding their potential. You can't let a child be violent just because he was treated in a violent way. That just repeats the cycle, which happens all too often anyway...Believe it or not, these kids tend to respond best to very structured and strict caregivers who they believe will keep them safe. Loving on them is fine, but it doesn't solve the problem and some are afraid of love and get even worse. That's why in my opinion our amateur help can't do much for this particular mom. Her child has issues that are deeper than most of our children's. She needs a serioius professional who understands child who have experienced what this child did before she even met her family. With a child from an orphanage who may have Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE), leniency is NOT your friend, unfortunately. They need concrete consequences that are very consistant and must be watched carefully, especially if there are other children around. [/QUOTE]
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