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How do you "discipline"
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<blockquote data-quote="Malika" data-source="post: 536761" data-attributes="member: 11227"><p>You may be right, MWM. I do not have the experience to be able to pronounce on this, obviously. I wasn't advocating "doing nothing", though... simply not punishing, which by bigbear's admission, is not working at all (though punishment seems to me rarely to "work", and that is another debate...) Working with serious professionals who understand Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE) - yes, this sounds like a very concrete step to be taking and I hope something good comes out of your meeting in October, bigbear. </p><p>I have sometimes wondered whether my son was exposed to alcohol or drugs before birth. Because of the culture he came from, it is unlikely but still possible. All I can say about him is that punishment TOTALLY does not work, whereas explanation/respect/positive affirmation does. I don't do any punishments or consequences with him, other than what are called natural ones - if he spills something, he wipes it up, etc. I do get cross with him, though, which makes him upset... I see this as a form of consequence. We have a very democratic household for a five year old. It is the style of parenting he asks for, in a sense. His teacher at school is very strict, old-fashioned and punitive... the structure and routine are good for him but the punishing makes him more aggressive and hostile, I think, and very low in self-esteem. It doesn't help him control behaviour or change it. </p><p>So really this is just what I find. Punishment is a no-no for my kid.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Malika, post: 536761, member: 11227"] You may be right, MWM. I do not have the experience to be able to pronounce on this, obviously. I wasn't advocating "doing nothing", though... simply not punishing, which by bigbear's admission, is not working at all (though punishment seems to me rarely to "work", and that is another debate...) Working with serious professionals who understand Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE) - yes, this sounds like a very concrete step to be taking and I hope something good comes out of your meeting in October, bigbear. I have sometimes wondered whether my son was exposed to alcohol or drugs before birth. Because of the culture he came from, it is unlikely but still possible. All I can say about him is that punishment TOTALLY does not work, whereas explanation/respect/positive affirmation does. I don't do any punishments or consequences with him, other than what are called natural ones - if he spills something, he wipes it up, etc. I do get cross with him, though, which makes him upset... I see this as a form of consequence. We have a very democratic household for a five year old. It is the style of parenting he asks for, in a sense. His teacher at school is very strict, old-fashioned and punitive... the structure and routine are good for him but the punishing makes him more aggressive and hostile, I think, and very low in self-esteem. It doesn't help him control behaviour or change it. So really this is just what I find. Punishment is a no-no for my kid. [/QUOTE]
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