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How do you "discipline"
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 536768" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Malika, I do not dismiss your darling little boy's (and, yes, he is a doll) problems. To me, from experience, he does not appear to be alcohol affected. Maybe his birthparents were feisty, but he does not appear to have any serioius brain damage and he is not really acting unattached...that tends to be quite serious. Of course, he was adopted at a young age. A democratic household does not work well for kids who have more serious issues. we were told outright that they crave structure and consistency and firmness. I do not put cute little J. into this category (honestly, I know he is challenging, but he is adorable enough to model!). What works for you works because J. is not in any way brain damaged or physically harmed because of his in utero experience. Like you said, it is unlikely in his culture that he was exposed to drink and drugs and that is HUGE. And I'm so glad for you and J <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> Drug and alcohol exposed kids do not ratioinalize well and love structure and consisency and strict boundaries. I tried both ways...lol <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> Sonic is older now so we don't have to be as rigid, but he still craves a strict routine and will try to follow it himself if we don't!!! <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p></p><p>This child has a diagnosis of Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE) and, back to the poster, you are doing the right thing getting him evaluated for Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE) an good on you for seeing an adoption specialist!!!!! You sound like you are doing all the right things. It is good that your child seems to understand cause and effect. The big question is...does he RETAIN what he has learned or does he tend to repeat it again and again as if he forgot about it the next day (short term memory can be compromised). Or maybe he is too damaged by the alcohol to control his impulses, as this is an actual medical condtion. I hope you find all your answers in October. Until then, maybe get a notebook and write down his various behaviors, what triggers them, if he seems to learn from his mistakes and anything else you feel like logging. That way you have something concrete and comprehensive to bring to the table in October.j</p><p></p><p>Hugs to you and hang in there! We are here!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 536768, member: 1550"] Malika, I do not dismiss your darling little boy's (and, yes, he is a doll) problems. To me, from experience, he does not appear to be alcohol affected. Maybe his birthparents were feisty, but he does not appear to have any serioius brain damage and he is not really acting unattached...that tends to be quite serious. Of course, he was adopted at a young age. A democratic household does not work well for kids who have more serious issues. we were told outright that they crave structure and consistency and firmness. I do not put cute little J. into this category (honestly, I know he is challenging, but he is adorable enough to model!). What works for you works because J. is not in any way brain damaged or physically harmed because of his in utero experience. Like you said, it is unlikely in his culture that he was exposed to drink and drugs and that is HUGE. And I'm so glad for you and J :) Drug and alcohol exposed kids do not ratioinalize well and love structure and consisency and strict boundaries. I tried both ways...lol :) Sonic is older now so we don't have to be as rigid, but he still craves a strict routine and will try to follow it himself if we don't!!! :) This child has a diagnosis of Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE) and, back to the poster, you are doing the right thing getting him evaluated for Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE) an good on you for seeing an adoption specialist!!!!! You sound like you are doing all the right things. It is good that your child seems to understand cause and effect. The big question is...does he RETAIN what he has learned or does he tend to repeat it again and again as if he forgot about it the next day (short term memory can be compromised). Or maybe he is too damaged by the alcohol to control his impulses, as this is an actual medical condtion. I hope you find all your answers in October. Until then, maybe get a notebook and write down his various behaviors, what triggers them, if he seems to learn from his mistakes and anything else you feel like logging. That way you have something concrete and comprehensive to bring to the table in October.j Hugs to you and hang in there! We are here! [/QUOTE]
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