I'm trying, after a few years of being anchored in a mindset of anger and unfairness over my mother disowning me in her will, how others have gotten over these sorts of hurts? I tried to make things up to her when she was alive. I expressed my own regrets at the riff in our relationship, even though I know it was hardly all my fault. She never wanted to see me or her grandchildren (and never did see my two youngest kids). She didn't want to see ME even though I asked her to. My siblings aren't quite sure why she was so antagonistic towards me, but they didn't try to make it better either, and they could have smoothed things over so that my mother would have at least talked to me. I find myself often depressed over all this--angry at my deceased mother, and my sister who has the label of "good kid." I am also resentful that my brother, who was her favorite and whom I befriended often when he had nobody, refused to step in. I know lots of this is irrational and hurtful to me, but I'm not sure how to get past it. I can't seem to figure out how to "forgive" or move on and it's dragging me down. I do not see or talk to my siblings because that makes me feel worse and because they feel my mother did nothing wrong, which makes ME feel like I actually DID do horrible things and that I'm so awful my own mother disliked me and never even made mention of me after she passed. Years ago she had a brain tumor and told everyone about her surgery, even my dad, her ex, but NOBODY was allowed to tell me and nobody did, even my father, who I am close to. So I'm angry about that too. LOL, angry, angry, angry. I'm not overly religious, but am open to any way to get over this so I can move on. Book suggestions are welcome. ANY suggestions that worked for you are welcome. I'm seeing a therapist now and she gave me a book "To Forgive or Not to Forgive." I'm reading it now, but I'll need more. Thanks for any help. In advance, all of you are terrific.
