MWM,
I can only tell you that you really aren't living the life you are intended to live unless you live with forgiveness. I expressed my opinion on the forgiveness post. Forgiveness is what allows me to live my life to the fullest.
If you look at your situation with the eyes of forgiveness and moving on you will realize that your siblings were in no way responsible for the relationship you had, or didn't have, with your mother. Perhpas they did play a role, but it was not, nor is it, their role to smooth over things for you.
As far as your mom, you attempted, on numerous occasions, to mend your relationship with her; obviously she was not able to forgive whatever she believed you to have done. Are you not, by holding on to your anger at her disowning you, doing the same thing she did to you?
I know it sounds so easy, but in reality forgiveness is not a hard thing. It takes you understanding that everything you say and do has an effect on something or someone else. You must take responsibility for the actions and reactions of your words and actions. It takes you understanding that everyone does things for a reason. You don't have to agree with the reason, just understand they had one.
Perfelct relationships are in the movies and books, very rarely are they found in real life. Man has free will which means we are going to do whatever the heck we want, for the most part! Feelings will get hurt, hurtful words will be said, stupid decisions will be made.
In the long run, it is your life, your feelings and opinions and outlooks and actions. It is up to you to move on and let go of the rest. Let go of your feelings with your sibs. You can't change what happened with them yesterday or who they are so why angst over it? You can't change what your relationship was with your mother but you can certainly show your children what a mother really is. That is how you move on with your life. You live, you learn, you decide not to repeat the mistakes, then you life some more.
I know it is really a cliche, but life is too short - it really is. You will feel a release when you let go that will free your heart and spirit. Remember your mother as your mom and forgive the weakness that allowed her to control your life. Take the control and live free.
Hugs and support as you try to move forward.
Sharon
