Midwestmom, I am sorry you are going through this agony. I know how you feel unfortunately. My dad was a long time alcoholic, who was persuaded by my evil brother to cut my sister and I out of his will completely. He managed to convince my dad that he was the only one who ever cared about him. My dad did so many hurtful things to me as a child and later as an adult. I struggle with this frequently, feelings of inadequacy and blaming myself for everything wrong in the world. I came to a point (before my dad was put in a nursing home) that I just had to seperate from him he was being so hurtful. Ironically, my brother took all his money and abandoned him. Dad has had several massive strokes and lays an invalid in a nursing home. Out of all my siblings, I am the only one who takes time to go see him and buy him what he needs, pay his bills, etc.
I wish I had an answer for you honey. I know that therapy has helped me alot, but its still an ongoing struggle. I pray and ask God to ease the pain in my heart still so many years after he has stopped being able to hurt me. That is the only thing that brings me a little peace.
