MWM, I have had similar issues as you are describing and I do agree that it was very difficult to move on, specially since I felt very hurt and wronged and most of all, betrayed.
What helped me the most was journaling my feelings about what had occurred and why I felt the way I did. Later, I was able to go back to my journal (when I was a little less emotional) and reflect on what I had written.
I realized that there was nothing I could have done to remedy the situation, that I had done my best and there had been no resolution (at least of the kind that I had hoped for).
I tried to disengage, and it was very difficult, but I found that acknowledging that I was a good person, that I had tried my best, helped me let go of some of the anger and rage.
It sounds as if your mother had issues and was unable to overcome them. Her pettiness and inability to move forward affected you. It is not your fault, but hers. You did what you had to do. Try to be happy with the fact that you did reach out and you are the bigger person. Easier said than done I know, but you deserve to be commended for having dealt with the situation in a mature and loving manner. Your mother appearantly did not have your capacity for moving forward. How sad for her to have missed out on a relationship with you.
((((((hugs))))))))
