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How do you get them to care for themselves???
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<blockquote data-quote="meowbunny" data-source="post: 130896" data-attributes="member: 3626"><p>Yup, we do get in our own way. Why should they take care of themselves when we will do it for them. It took me awhile, but I finally figured out that it was better to not lecture and also not do. One without the other didn't seem to work. Lectures weren't heard but were worth the price to have mommy take care of the problem. If mommy didn'do it but still lectured, then mommy didn't have a right to say a word and daughter could get justifiably angry. However, if there was no lecture and no taking care of the problem by mommy, then all the responsibility fell on the daughter. I do let her know I won't be doing X with a simple sentence saying why ("Kiddo, you'll have to get yourself up to call work in the morning. I'm sure you can do this since you were able to go play all weekend. See you when I get home from work tomorrow."). I've even reached the point where she is responsible for making a doctor's appointment if she needs one. I'll take her if she's too sick to take herself but, otherwise, it is her problem and her responsibility.</p><p> </p><p>Right now, my daughter has a cold. I had no problems playing Mommy for the simple reason she didn't get it playing around. She came home from work on Thursday and was feeling miserable. She had Friday off and spent the day in bed. I happily waited on her hand and foot. On Saturday and Sunday, she went to work, came home sick. Again, I played Mommy. No problem.</p><p> </p><p>Last night, she stayed up until 4 am, knowing she had to be work at 10 am. I simply told her that she had to get herself up, I wasn't going to if she was going to to stay up so late when she knew she was still ill and needed her sleep. She did get herself up but asked me to fix her breakfast. Sorry, sweets, I do that when you're sick. If you're healthy enough to stay up all night, you're healthy enough to take care of yourself. End of conversation. She fixed herself some cereal and a banana and got herself to work on time.</p><p> </p><p>It's not easy to say no. I know I want to be the mommy and take care of my little girl. At the same time, she needs to learn that when she makes a bad decision, she is the one who will have to take care of any problems from it. I can't do it for her for the simple fact I won't always be around to do it. The more she learns how to do it now, the better off she will be when she is on her own. Not easy, not fun, but certainly necessary.</p><p> </p><p>Lecturing does no good. All it does is give you a defensive child who will happily go on the attack rather than hear how she once again fouled up. Letting her suffer her consequences with a simple comment why you aren't backing her up works so much better in the long run.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="meowbunny, post: 130896, member: 3626"] Yup, we do get in our own way. Why should they take care of themselves when we will do it for them. It took me awhile, but I finally figured out that it was better to not lecture and also not do. One without the other didn't seem to work. Lectures weren't heard but were worth the price to have mommy take care of the problem. If mommy didn'do it but still lectured, then mommy didn't have a right to say a word and daughter could get justifiably angry. However, if there was no lecture and no taking care of the problem by mommy, then all the responsibility fell on the daughter. I do let her know I won't be doing X with a simple sentence saying why ("Kiddo, you'll have to get yourself up to call work in the morning. I'm sure you can do this since you were able to go play all weekend. See you when I get home from work tomorrow."). I've even reached the point where she is responsible for making a doctor's appointment if she needs one. I'll take her if she's too sick to take herself but, otherwise, it is her problem and her responsibility. Right now, my daughter has a cold. I had no problems playing Mommy for the simple reason she didn't get it playing around. She came home from work on Thursday and was feeling miserable. She had Friday off and spent the day in bed. I happily waited on her hand and foot. On Saturday and Sunday, she went to work, came home sick. Again, I played Mommy. No problem. Last night, she stayed up until 4 am, knowing she had to be work at 10 am. I simply told her that she had to get herself up, I wasn't going to if she was going to to stay up so late when she knew she was still ill and needed her sleep. She did get herself up but asked me to fix her breakfast. Sorry, sweets, I do that when you're sick. If you're healthy enough to stay up all night, you're healthy enough to take care of yourself. End of conversation. She fixed herself some cereal and a banana and got herself to work on time. It's not easy to say no. I know I want to be the mommy and take care of my little girl. At the same time, she needs to learn that when she makes a bad decision, she is the one who will have to take care of any problems from it. I can't do it for her for the simple fact I won't always be around to do it. The more she learns how to do it now, the better off she will be when she is on her own. Not easy, not fun, but certainly necessary. Lecturing does no good. All it does is give you a defensive child who will happily go on the attack rather than hear how she once again fouled up. Letting her suffer her consequences with a simple comment why you aren't backing her up works so much better in the long run. [/QUOTE]
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How do you get them to care for themselves???
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