Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
How do you 'get there'?
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Signorina" data-source="post: 502134"><p>Hi WP- I wish I could answer. </p><p></p><p>I was in you place most of 2011 when h and I swept our concerns with our pot smoking son under the rug-not wanting to rock the boat. He was pleasant, just a week ago - I had a lovely lunch with my difficult child. In my first posts on this forum last fall; I was set straight. The fact that h & I were placating him, looking the other way - basically accepting his drug use & the accompanying warning signs -meant we were handing him the control in our relationship. </p><p></p><p>When push came to shove and the warning signs became too obvious (disdain, lake of motivation, declining grades) - we were quick to give a second chance. Hindsight tells us that those second chances were the equivalent of lowering the bar. When we finally asserted ourselves - he turned on us. He left for good on Sunday. He has nothing to run to except an apt he can't afford in a college town where he no longer goes to school. </p><p></p><p>Your son is 23. I imagine many of his peers have moved on to responsible adult lives while he lives at home and plays video games. The distance between him & his age mates will only deepen as the time passes. Since he does have a job, I think I would be pushing him to move out. Paying you rent seems like a bad idea to me; I think I'd try pushing him out of the nest to his own place. Gently of course - welcome for dinner on Sunday but no more. And hope that he grows up. Otherwise, you may have him living with you 10 yrs from now. With my son, his drug use & unmotivated lifestyle became his normal and he balked rudely and 100% when we gently tried to get him back on track. He had lost touch with reality and because we had been so complacent- he took our desire to control our OWN lives (instead of catering to him) as a personal affront. Your difficult child likes the status quo. Please know the moment you stop maintaining it- he will fight you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Signorina, post: 502134"] Hi WP- I wish I could answer. I was in you place most of 2011 when h and I swept our concerns with our pot smoking son under the rug-not wanting to rock the boat. He was pleasant, just a week ago - I had a lovely lunch with my difficult child. In my first posts on this forum last fall; I was set straight. The fact that h & I were placating him, looking the other way - basically accepting his drug use & the accompanying warning signs -meant we were handing him the control in our relationship. When push came to shove and the warning signs became too obvious (disdain, lake of motivation, declining grades) - we were quick to give a second chance. Hindsight tells us that those second chances were the equivalent of lowering the bar. When we finally asserted ourselves - he turned on us. He left for good on Sunday. He has nothing to run to except an apt he can't afford in a college town where he no longer goes to school. Your son is 23. I imagine many of his peers have moved on to responsible adult lives while he lives at home and plays video games. The distance between him & his age mates will only deepen as the time passes. Since he does have a job, I think I would be pushing him to move out. Paying you rent seems like a bad idea to me; I think I'd try pushing him out of the nest to his own place. Gently of course - welcome for dinner on Sunday but no more. And hope that he grows up. Otherwise, you may have him living with you 10 yrs from now. With my son, his drug use & unmotivated lifestyle became his normal and he balked rudely and 100% when we gently tried to get him back on track. He had lost touch with reality and because we had been so complacent- he took our desire to control our OWN lives (instead of catering to him) as a personal affront. Your difficult child likes the status quo. Please know the moment you stop maintaining it- he will fight you. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
How do you 'get there'?
Top