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General Parenting
How do you keep feeling love after they cross the line?
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 419324" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>You may be able to petition Tennessee to work out a way to provide therapy in Louisiana. You will need a good attorney for this. You may also consider disrupting the adoption and having him return to Tennessee. </p><p> </p><p>While the 3 behaviors MWM listed are the 3 big warning signs of seriously disturbed sociopathic behavior/disorders, there is also a LOT of evidence that just animal cruelty alone is a sign or big big problems and an incredibly accurate predictor of current and future violence to others. </p><p> </p><p>malika's heart is in the right place and years ago I probably would have agreed with ehr fully. But my son knew a boy who had these behaviors and his own family had to move away while he was in a locked ward - when the boy was just 13. He had done so many many things to hurt his mother, older sister and even his stepfather that the POLICE were afraid of him. He was NOT a large boy, more the size of a 4th grader than a 13yo boy who had already hit puberty, but the things he did were so violent and disturbing that even the next door neighbors got protective orders against him. His mom, stepdad and sister moved to a state many hours from the facility he was placed in. He was in our worst juvie facility and he deeply scared even the worst of the other inmates and the guards. It was the therapist there who told the judge and the family that they had to get as far away from him as possible and never have contact with him again or they would all be dead within weeks of him finding them. Two different boys who were in his cell at different times, one of them twice his size, ended up in the hospital because of the way he attacked them. </p><p> </p><p>This boy did NOT act out of pain, turmoil or trauma. He hurt people because it amused him. He even said it was the only fun he ever had. The rest of his life was boring. He was NOT abused and his stepdad was around when he was born and treated him as his son. It was NOT something that was done to him. It was the way he was and the only option for him was a locked facility. </p><p> </p><p>I don't know that your son is like this boy. I do know that the cruelty to the pet was a HUGE sign that he needs very long term intensive therapy and likely far more structure and supervision than it is possible to give in a home. I am so sorry because I know this hurts you. </p><p> </p><p>Give the boy the structure and supervision and treatment that he needs to ahve even a chance at a future. Push the state to put him in a therapeutic group home or foster home where he is the only or youngest child and the other children are NOT disabled. Or else let your daughter live elsewhere. I would push to have him in a group home, foster home or Residential Treatment Center (RTC) rather than sending the daughter away. She has a chance of healing if she is not forced to live with him and knowing you made her a priority over his needs would go a long way to helping her heal. A lot of the time our pcs feel they are ignored because the needs and demands of a difficult child are so great. When we finally had to say my son couldn't live wtih us because it wasn't safe for the ohter kids it went a long way toward helping heal their sense of not being as important to us and to healing our relationship with the pcs. We had to choose and it was past time for us to make the well being and safety of our pcs the priority over continuing to pour most of our time and attention into our difficult child. it also sent the message to difficult child that he had to figure it out and stop hurting us all and himself if he wanted a good relationship with his siblings. I don't know if your difficult child is capable of this. I do think your easy child is capable of understanding why you didn't realize all the problems until now, and of overcoming the stress of life with a dangerous sibling IF she and you get the help that you all need.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 419324, member: 1233"] You may be able to petition Tennessee to work out a way to provide therapy in Louisiana. You will need a good attorney for this. You may also consider disrupting the adoption and having him return to Tennessee. While the 3 behaviors MWM listed are the 3 big warning signs of seriously disturbed sociopathic behavior/disorders, there is also a LOT of evidence that just animal cruelty alone is a sign or big big problems and an incredibly accurate predictor of current and future violence to others. malika's heart is in the right place and years ago I probably would have agreed with ehr fully. But my son knew a boy who had these behaviors and his own family had to move away while he was in a locked ward - when the boy was just 13. He had done so many many things to hurt his mother, older sister and even his stepfather that the POLICE were afraid of him. He was NOT a large boy, more the size of a 4th grader than a 13yo boy who had already hit puberty, but the things he did were so violent and disturbing that even the next door neighbors got protective orders against him. His mom, stepdad and sister moved to a state many hours from the facility he was placed in. He was in our worst juvie facility and he deeply scared even the worst of the other inmates and the guards. It was the therapist there who told the judge and the family that they had to get as far away from him as possible and never have contact with him again or they would all be dead within weeks of him finding them. Two different boys who were in his cell at different times, one of them twice his size, ended up in the hospital because of the way he attacked them. This boy did NOT act out of pain, turmoil or trauma. He hurt people because it amused him. He even said it was the only fun he ever had. The rest of his life was boring. He was NOT abused and his stepdad was around when he was born and treated him as his son. It was NOT something that was done to him. It was the way he was and the only option for him was a locked facility. I don't know that your son is like this boy. I do know that the cruelty to the pet was a HUGE sign that he needs very long term intensive therapy and likely far more structure and supervision than it is possible to give in a home. I am so sorry because I know this hurts you. Give the boy the structure and supervision and treatment that he needs to ahve even a chance at a future. Push the state to put him in a therapeutic group home or foster home where he is the only or youngest child and the other children are NOT disabled. Or else let your daughter live elsewhere. I would push to have him in a group home, foster home or Residential Treatment Center (RTC) rather than sending the daughter away. She has a chance of healing if she is not forced to live with him and knowing you made her a priority over his needs would go a long way to helping her heal. A lot of the time our pcs feel they are ignored because the needs and demands of a difficult child are so great. When we finally had to say my son couldn't live wtih us because it wasn't safe for the ohter kids it went a long way toward helping heal their sense of not being as important to us and to healing our relationship with the pcs. We had to choose and it was past time for us to make the well being and safety of our pcs the priority over continuing to pour most of our time and attention into our difficult child. it also sent the message to difficult child that he had to figure it out and stop hurting us all and himself if he wanted a good relationship with his siblings. I don't know if your difficult child is capable of this. I do think your easy child is capable of understanding why you didn't realize all the problems until now, and of overcoming the stress of life with a dangerous sibling IF she and you get the help that you all need. [/QUOTE]
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