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General Parenting
How do you keep feeling love after they cross the line?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 419360" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Malika, I felt like you did at one time. I deliberately (with my husband) adopted a young man, eleven years old, because his prospects were not good. He had strikes against him...he was a boy, already 11, and African-American. We loved him as our own and thought he was a good kid because he never acted out in front of us. We did not know the merry hell he put our kids through. Like you, I felt that just love and understanding will help him and give him a good life. </p><p></p><p>Unfortunately, there are children who are beyond help, dangerous children, who can not live with other children or pets. The child we adopted did not even know why he did what he did, but he continued to do stuff like that even after he left our house, in the facility he lived in that was monitored by camera 24/7. He also admitted, in therapy, that he had been doing it since he was at least five years old (sexually and physically abusing children and animals). He did not feel bad about it and did not have a clue as to why. He was not able to live in a family. He could not be safe.</p><p></p><p>Malika, you have ONE child. You don't have to protect other children and, I assume, pets. You are not dealing with an older child who has gotten a TON of help and who has siblings he can destroy. </p><p></p><p>Regardless of WHY the child does what he does, HE DOES IT! That makes him unsafe. Just because we think we know why a child does what he does doesn't mean we can change it. I will guess that this parent has done everything in her power to help her son and nothing has worked. This happens, unfortunately.</p><p></p><p>For all you know, the child you described did end up a psychopath. A horrible beginning is hard to overcome. Three years in foster care/abusive situations IS a long time. Kids can develop serious problems if they are not nurtured in infancy. Some can overcome them and some can't. Sounds like this parent has done everything she could possibly do. What else COULD she do?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 419360, member: 1550"] Malika, I felt like you did at one time. I deliberately (with my husband) adopted a young man, eleven years old, because his prospects were not good. He had strikes against him...he was a boy, already 11, and African-American. We loved him as our own and thought he was a good kid because he never acted out in front of us. We did not know the merry hell he put our kids through. Like you, I felt that just love and understanding will help him and give him a good life. Unfortunately, there are children who are beyond help, dangerous children, who can not live with other children or pets. The child we adopted did not even know why he did what he did, but he continued to do stuff like that even after he left our house, in the facility he lived in that was monitored by camera 24/7. He also admitted, in therapy, that he had been doing it since he was at least five years old (sexually and physically abusing children and animals). He did not feel bad about it and did not have a clue as to why. He was not able to live in a family. He could not be safe. Malika, you have ONE child. You don't have to protect other children and, I assume, pets. You are not dealing with an older child who has gotten a TON of help and who has siblings he can destroy. Regardless of WHY the child does what he does, HE DOES IT! That makes him unsafe. Just because we think we know why a child does what he does doesn't mean we can change it. I will guess that this parent has done everything in her power to help her son and nothing has worked. This happens, unfortunately. For all you know, the child you described did end up a psychopath. A horrible beginning is hard to overcome. Three years in foster care/abusive situations IS a long time. Kids can develop serious problems if they are not nurtured in infancy. Some can overcome them and some can't. Sounds like this parent has done everything she could possibly do. What else COULD she do? [/QUOTE]
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How do you keep feeling love after they cross the line?
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