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How do you keep feeling love after they cross the line?
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 419800" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I understand the fear that they might take your daughter away from you if you refuse to keep him in your home. You truly need a lawyer to help with all of this, to protect your interests and more esp your daughter's interests. I doubt your relaitonship with your son would ever recover if you had to "abandon" him, meaning turn him over to social services, and it ended up with your daughter being taken away from you and her dying while she was away from you. I don't know that I could take that risk with-o some real help from an attorney.</p><p> </p><p>One of the BEST ways to get an attorney to help with all of this, given what must be strained finances from all the things you must do with your daughter (I don't see how you could work and still care for your homebound daughter.) is to go to a domestic violence center and get them to help. They CAN help even if the abuser is you child. I know because I went to the one here and got access to a LOT of things for free.</p><p> </p><p>Social services does NOT want to take charge of a violent child and will threaten a lot of things. I don't know if they can actually follow through with them, esp if your daughter's doctors are willing to say that she cannot live with the violence of her brother and must have you with her or it will endanger her physical and mental health. IF your son't docs will say that he needs out of home placement and is not safe to be aorund you or his sister that will add a lot of weight to your side. An attorney should know the best ways to helpw ith this. IF nothing else, write a letter and send it to every attorney in your area, asking for them to help you pro bono (free) in getting your son placed in a hospital, group home or foster home so that you and your daughter can live with-o violence and he can learn to make safe choices and not be violent. make it clear that you are asking for therapy to help your son but are very worried because your son's violence is harming your terminally ill child.</p><p> </p><p>We were threatened with removal of our pcs when we reported difficult child's violence to cps. They thought it would be easier to place the ohter kids than to place him. Since we already had him in a psychiatric hospital for a long term (not acute) stay, they had little to support that argument. We also had Jess's pediatrician saying that if they tried to force us to taek Wiz home she would contact the governor and the media, and that she would do the same if they tried to take the other kids because she knew we were doing all the right things and just needed help and a place for him to learn to be safe. </p><p> </p><p>You are in such a horrible situation. I really wish I could do more than just offer support and ideas. I really think that a DV center would be an awesome resource for you. They usually have a LOT of influence with social services and the courts, so having their support could help a lot. </p><p> </p><p>You also MUST create a paper trail. The Parent Report is a good thing to start with (follow the link in my sig to elarn mroe about it). Then each time difficult child gets violent or abusive you need to call 911 for help with a mentally ill child - transport to a psychiatric hospital for evaluation is what you need to ask for. It will eat a lot of your time and own't be fun, but the more times you call them out the more they will see that he is a danger to you and your other child and the more pressure will be put on "the system" to provide help for you. </p><p> </p><p>The more you can push and get him evaluated and admitted (hopefully admitted), the more social services will see you are not trying to "throw him away" and that you want help for him and must protect your daughter from him. After several times where they odn't help you, then you contact your state and federal congressmen and your governor to ask why you cannot get help to help your mentally ill child learn to make better choices and to keep your terminally ill child safe until your son can live with you safely. They are using the fear of separation from her against you. You can use her terminal disease as a black mark against them - "Why won't social services step in and help me keep my very fragile terminally ill daughter safe from my mentally ill son?". It is something that NO ONE in social services wants to be asked by the governor or a congressperson - those people control their funding. Plus it woudl be a HUGE black eye in the media if you got any press attention on this situation. </p><p></p><p>Your own lawyer could even push them harder with these questions/black marks on their records. Cause I am sure there are laws and precedents that could help you that social services doesn't want you to know about because it is expensive for them.</p><p> </p><p>If you have a church that you are comfortable with, they can also bring pressure to bear for you AND be on your side with social services. Having a pastor or priest say you are a good/great mom who is having to deal with a heartbreaking situaiton and all social services is doing is placing guilt on you that you don't deserve and not helping you keep the kids safe and keep other kids safe from your son's aggression can go a long way with the court and with public opinion.</p><p> </p><p>These are ideas. IF you need help writing letters to lawyers, etc.... I can help via PM.</p><p> </p><p>((((((((((hugs))))))))))</p><p> </p><p>You really are doing a great job with an impossible, heartwrenching situation.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 419800, member: 1233"] I understand the fear that they might take your daughter away from you if you refuse to keep him in your home. You truly need a lawyer to help with all of this, to protect your interests and more esp your daughter's interests. I doubt your relaitonship with your son would ever recover if you had to "abandon" him, meaning turn him over to social services, and it ended up with your daughter being taken away from you and her dying while she was away from you. I don't know that I could take that risk with-o some real help from an attorney. One of the BEST ways to get an attorney to help with all of this, given what must be strained finances from all the things you must do with your daughter (I don't see how you could work and still care for your homebound daughter.) is to go to a domestic violence center and get them to help. They CAN help even if the abuser is you child. I know because I went to the one here and got access to a LOT of things for free. Social services does NOT want to take charge of a violent child and will threaten a lot of things. I don't know if they can actually follow through with them, esp if your daughter's doctors are willing to say that she cannot live with the violence of her brother and must have you with her or it will endanger her physical and mental health. IF your son't docs will say that he needs out of home placement and is not safe to be aorund you or his sister that will add a lot of weight to your side. An attorney should know the best ways to helpw ith this. IF nothing else, write a letter and send it to every attorney in your area, asking for them to help you pro bono (free) in getting your son placed in a hospital, group home or foster home so that you and your daughter can live with-o violence and he can learn to make safe choices and not be violent. make it clear that you are asking for therapy to help your son but are very worried because your son's violence is harming your terminally ill child. We were threatened with removal of our pcs when we reported difficult child's violence to cps. They thought it would be easier to place the ohter kids than to place him. Since we already had him in a psychiatric hospital for a long term (not acute) stay, they had little to support that argument. We also had Jess's pediatrician saying that if they tried to force us to taek Wiz home she would contact the governor and the media, and that she would do the same if they tried to take the other kids because she knew we were doing all the right things and just needed help and a place for him to learn to be safe. You are in such a horrible situation. I really wish I could do more than just offer support and ideas. I really think that a DV center would be an awesome resource for you. They usually have a LOT of influence with social services and the courts, so having their support could help a lot. You also MUST create a paper trail. The Parent Report is a good thing to start with (follow the link in my sig to elarn mroe about it). Then each time difficult child gets violent or abusive you need to call 911 for help with a mentally ill child - transport to a psychiatric hospital for evaluation is what you need to ask for. It will eat a lot of your time and own't be fun, but the more times you call them out the more they will see that he is a danger to you and your other child and the more pressure will be put on "the system" to provide help for you. The more you can push and get him evaluated and admitted (hopefully admitted), the more social services will see you are not trying to "throw him away" and that you want help for him and must protect your daughter from him. After several times where they odn't help you, then you contact your state and federal congressmen and your governor to ask why you cannot get help to help your mentally ill child learn to make better choices and to keep your terminally ill child safe until your son can live with you safely. They are using the fear of separation from her against you. You can use her terminal disease as a black mark against them - "Why won't social services step in and help me keep my very fragile terminally ill daughter safe from my mentally ill son?". It is something that NO ONE in social services wants to be asked by the governor or a congressperson - those people control their funding. Plus it woudl be a HUGE black eye in the media if you got any press attention on this situation. Your own lawyer could even push them harder with these questions/black marks on their records. Cause I am sure there are laws and precedents that could help you that social services doesn't want you to know about because it is expensive for them. If you have a church that you are comfortable with, they can also bring pressure to bear for you AND be on your side with social services. Having a pastor or priest say you are a good/great mom who is having to deal with a heartbreaking situaiton and all social services is doing is placing guilt on you that you don't deserve and not helping you keep the kids safe and keep other kids safe from your son's aggression can go a long way with the court and with public opinion. These are ideas. IF you need help writing letters to lawyers, etc.... I can help via PM. ((((((((((hugs)))))))))) You really are doing a great job with an impossible, heartwrenching situation. [/QUOTE]
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