How do you not laugh?

[mightymouse]

The other day I was watching some kids at my friend's home daycare. My difficult child and 2 other boys were extremely rambunctious, spinning and running around to the point of it being a safety issue. I took them outside for a run in the light rain (my friend let them play out in the muddy backyard the day before for the same reason :smile: )because it was obvious they needed to burn off some energy. It was no help. After asking them several times to stop spinning, stop running, etc. it was time for a time out. I told all 3 to come over and sit on the couch. 2 of them did what I asked but my difficult child, true to his nature, refused. So I picked him up and sat him on the couch next to me but he jumped right up and informed me that he was not going to sit anywhere. So, I held him on my lap and he started hitting and kicking me. I restrained his arms and legs at which point he yelled, "If you don't let me go, I'm going to pee on you!" Without even thinking, I lost it. :rofl: He has never used that one before and it just hit me as down right, laugh-out-loud, funny. I know it was completely inappropriate to laugh, but I couldn't help it. I have laughed at him before when he has yelled something at me and it just strikes me as funny to see such a little guy think he has so much authority. I know I shouldn't, but the laughter hits me before I can stop myself. I know it doesn't help matters with him, but sometimes it actually helps me stay calm with the situation.

I just had to confess this. Surely others have done it too, right? by the way, no, he didn't pee on me. I told him that if he wanted to pee on me he could, but to remember that it would first soak his own clothes before a drop reached me so he would really be the one to suffer and that I still wouldn't let him up. He didn't have anything to say to that and he calmed down fairly quickly after that.

 

[mightymouse]

OK I just read over my post and had a light bulb moment. Maybe it does help when I laugh. difficult child's biggest problem is he wants to control me and other authority figures. When I laugh, he is not getting the response he wants. Not that I would use laughter all of the time, but I definitely don't feel so guilty about it when I think of it that way.

 

[flutterbee]

I wouldn't feel guilty about it. I think sometimes if they could actually hear themselves they would laugh, too. I'll laugh at something difficult child says and she'll get horribly upset. But when I repeat her words back to her, she'll sometimes laugh, too. Although she tries to hide it at first.

And you're right. I'm sure it helps to diffuse the situation much better than becoming angry. And, as you said, he's not getting the response he was going for.

 

[tiredmommy]

You know, laughing gives the kid an out if done properly (like you did). He's able to back down and save face because he can choose to believe he was being funny. We, by the way, use laughter here as well.

 

[Just keep swimming]

:rofl:OMGosh, that had me laughing till my stomach hurt! Thanks for sharing! I really think that laughing does save my sanity. Sometimes, when Aly is really being a snot head I just can't help but laugh. Usually ticks her off to no end though.

:thumb:
Vickie

 

[Got2Sleep]

Our psychologist actually reccomended we laugh at times...even scream..anything to divert the attention away from the control he was wanting. I find it hard to do...but hey, if it works..go for it!

~S

 

[neednewtechnique]

Yes, we were also told that we could laugh, sing, whisper, anything to take difficult child's mind OFF her fits... supposedly, laughing will distract them, singing will calm them, and whispering, well if they have to strain to hear you, they will stop and listen...where as if you yell, they will just try to yell over you....

 

[flutterbee]

Yelling just escalates things with difficult child. AND because of her sensory issues she covers her ears. It just exacerbates it all the way around. I feel horrible when I lose it and yell. Especially after easy child's therapist explained the physiological reaction kids have to yelling. I don't remember the specific details of it, but I could probably google it when I'm feeling better and share it.

When difficult child is melting down I send her to her room. I let her have her meltdown, but it really works better for her to have her meltdown by herself. Then when she's done she comes back down and we talk. It's not punishment. It's that difficult child doesn't think and feel at the same time so there is no talking to her during a meltdown. I'm sure a lot of our kiddos are like that...where you look at them and can tell they've "checked out" for a bit. Also, she seems to recover sooner when she's alone in her room. Plus, it's not fair to easy child to have to put his life on hold when difficult child is melting down. Especially when we go through periods where she's melting down daily. But, sometimes getting her to her room is extremely difficult and she seems to only respond when I yell, "NOW!". I hate that. And everytime I beat myself up.

So, yeah, I'd take laughing over yelling everyday. Singing sometimes works, too. I'll sing the "lullaby" (it's not really a lullaby - it's Good King Wenceslas -sp-) that I used to sing to difficult child every night when she was younger. Or sometimes, I'll sing a silly song like, "Great green globs of greasy, grimy, gopher guts....", and make it more animated. Just depends on what kind of meltdown/rage she's having.