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General Parenting
How do you regain a fresh perspective with difficult child?
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<blockquote data-quote="Fran" data-source="post: 369385" data-attributes="member: 3"><p>Farmwife, I'm sorry to hear that you are still at the stage of a lot of bottled anger. I was there for a long time. When you put in 10 times the effort of n/t parents and get less than zero back, it is frustrating, frightening and eventually despair sets in. I also noticed when difficult child finally started to have more stability that I was still mad as the dickens at him. My responses were probably a little more intense than they needed to be. All those tears seemed so wasted. All that work seemed wasted. </p><p></p><p>I think it takes a lot of time for us to forgive ourselves and forgive our difficult children. Once I saw difficult child was trying to learn a different way, my maternal instincts started to kick in. In the end, we love our kids but our road has been so much more difficult and the rewards seemed small for a long time that the wear and tear become more and more obvious. </p><p>Give yourself the gift of time to heal. Give him the gift of time to grow more stable.</p><p></p><p>In the meantime, take care of yourself. Do things that reaffirm that you are not your child. Have a life outside of being a mom. It will make you less hyperfocused on his behavior.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Fran, post: 369385, member: 3"] Farmwife, I'm sorry to hear that you are still at the stage of a lot of bottled anger. I was there for a long time. When you put in 10 times the effort of n/t parents and get less than zero back, it is frustrating, frightening and eventually despair sets in. I also noticed when difficult child finally started to have more stability that I was still mad as the dickens at him. My responses were probably a little more intense than they needed to be. All those tears seemed so wasted. All that work seemed wasted. I think it takes a lot of time for us to forgive ourselves and forgive our difficult children. Once I saw difficult child was trying to learn a different way, my maternal instincts started to kick in. In the end, we love our kids but our road has been so much more difficult and the rewards seemed small for a long time that the wear and tear become more and more obvious. Give yourself the gift of time to heal. Give him the gift of time to grow more stable. In the meantime, take care of yourself. Do things that reaffirm that you are not your child. Have a life outside of being a mom. It will make you less hyperfocused on his behavior. [/QUOTE]
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How do you regain a fresh perspective with difficult child?
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