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How do you regain a fresh perspective with difficult child?
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<blockquote data-quote="Farmwife" data-source="post: 369492" data-attributes="member: 8617"><p>Marg - I have to say that your part of your post kind of bothered me. There is a reason though and not at all personal. I have heard you say the house mate thing before and it just felt wrong to me. Let me explain...</p><p> </p><p>I am a bit old fashioned when it comes to my ideas about parenting. I am not at all the "spare the rod punish the child" sort whatsoever, cruelty has no place in the home. I do however look back at recent decades and how people have changed, how education here is dumbing down and how kids are acting out more and more each passing day. Violence is more common and kids seem out of control. I have to wonder if the modern "pop psychology" theories are flawed in some way. Take the 1950's or before for that matter. My Mom would never dream of back talking or even saying the word shutup to her brothers in her Mothers presence. Teens in general were better behaved and grew into generally responsible adults. Sure, they had their moments of bad behavior but it was taboo so they just did less of it. I attribue it to old fashioned rules, being strict and having high expectations. Kids weren't given choices like they are now. You did what you were told, you did it without attitude and that was it.</p><p> </p><p>Now, oh boy, flash forward to now. Most teens are mouthy, lazy, obnoxious and those are their good qualities. We have shifted from good kids being the norm to good kids being the exception. Of course they exist now but they are well outnumbered. Kids are spoiled, feel entitled to everything, don't want to work for it and give teachers and parents a lot of heck. I'm not particularly impressed with the outcome of the "time out generations".</p><p> </p><p>So, back to your post. Since I am dead set against modern parenting because I don't like the results doing something like not having control in the home and having to compromise with my child bugs me. Is the idea wrong, no. I really need to put a lot of thought into it. I want to have a long term relationship with my difficult child and I want him to break away from my influence as all young adults should. I just really hate the fact that it often feels like I have to sugar coat everything and almost kiss up to get anything out of him without a fight. I don't like the idea of him thinking our home is a democracy, it isn't. I can see how your idea facilitates peaceful coexistence but I am not completely sold. I am more of the "because I said so and if you want to be treated like an adult help me pay the bills" mentality. Doesn't mean that always works but I think it is what's right.</p><p> </p><p>I wonder if there is a third option?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Farmwife, post: 369492, member: 8617"] Marg - I have to say that your part of your post kind of bothered me. There is a reason though and not at all personal. I have heard you say the house mate thing before and it just felt wrong to me. Let me explain... I am a bit old fashioned when it comes to my ideas about parenting. I am not at all the "spare the rod punish the child" sort whatsoever, cruelty has no place in the home. I do however look back at recent decades and how people have changed, how education here is dumbing down and how kids are acting out more and more each passing day. Violence is more common and kids seem out of control. I have to wonder if the modern "pop psychology" theories are flawed in some way. Take the 1950's or before for that matter. My Mom would never dream of back talking or even saying the word shutup to her brothers in her Mothers presence. Teens in general were better behaved and grew into generally responsible adults. Sure, they had their moments of bad behavior but it was taboo so they just did less of it. I attribue it to old fashioned rules, being strict and having high expectations. Kids weren't given choices like they are now. You did what you were told, you did it without attitude and that was it. Now, oh boy, flash forward to now. Most teens are mouthy, lazy, obnoxious and those are their good qualities. We have shifted from good kids being the norm to good kids being the exception. Of course they exist now but they are well outnumbered. Kids are spoiled, feel entitled to everything, don't want to work for it and give teachers and parents a lot of heck. I'm not particularly impressed with the outcome of the "time out generations". So, back to your post. Since I am dead set against modern parenting because I don't like the results doing something like not having control in the home and having to compromise with my child bugs me. Is the idea wrong, no. I really need to put a lot of thought into it. I want to have a long term relationship with my difficult child and I want him to break away from my influence as all young adults should. I just really hate the fact that it often feels like I have to sugar coat everything and almost kiss up to get anything out of him without a fight. I don't like the idea of him thinking our home is a democracy, it isn't. I can see how your idea facilitates peaceful coexistence but I am not completely sold. I am more of the "because I said so and if you want to be treated like an adult help me pay the bills" mentality. Doesn't mean that always works but I think it is what's right. I wonder if there is a third option? [/QUOTE]
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