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How I spent 1-2-2013
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<blockquote data-quote="Mattsmom277" data-source="post: 571803" data-attributes="member: 4264"><p>I think there are plenty of wise ideas here. In your shoes, I would do the following: Ban all cell phone and internet usage. Period. End stop. If school work requires internet, I would supervise side by side and print out research and log off the computer (which would be password protected). I would report the incidents to the parents and the school, in a short letter copied to all that should know what is going on. I would then leave it up to the parents of the other kids to do whatever they decide, and I would move on, getting on to the business of dealing with my difficult child while others can deal with theirs. I would then let go the role of others in this. I would inform difficult child that you did notify parents and the school, because bullying isn't something you will watch happen to your daughter. I would then refuse to engage in any discussion of blaming the other kids for their ignorance and actions, and I would make clear that while you know they are in the wrong, your focus is where it needs to be/must be/should be: with your own difficult child who you DO have the power to work with. I would then outline the ban on cell phones and internet. I would give no target for returning those non essential activities/devices. I would make it clear that your job as HER mom, is to deal with HER. And that you won't be even considering reinstating phone/net participation until you have seen mighty changes in your difficult child. I would call her out plainly on taking the photo from the web, making up stories of pregnancy, the desperation of that type of behavior, and her own role in why other peers are acting so horribly to her (not that it is ok to bully her, but they see her as a messed up teen girl who will lie and behave terribly herself, which frankly, she is). I would remind her that we are NOT the sum of our mistakes, she has good qualities (outline them) but the focus will be remaining on the negative behaviors. Life would not be the same as difficult child has grown used to, etc. </p><p></p><p>I know it sounds probably as though I'm letting others off the hook. Truly I'm not. I just don't see why you would want to waste energy trying to correct ill behavior of other teens when you've enough on your plate with your own. Know what I mean?? You've got your hands right full, and understandably you want to show your difficult child that she has a right to be treated properly. The quick note to the parents and school covers that, you had her back on that part of things. Then regroup and refocus on what working with her to see how awful these choices are, the effect on others not to mention on herself, and what is spurring this type of attention seeking/desperation. </p><p></p><p>Best of luck to you. Teens are hard without them being difficult children.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mattsmom277, post: 571803, member: 4264"] I think there are plenty of wise ideas here. In your shoes, I would do the following: Ban all cell phone and internet usage. Period. End stop. If school work requires internet, I would supervise side by side and print out research and log off the computer (which would be password protected). I would report the incidents to the parents and the school, in a short letter copied to all that should know what is going on. I would then leave it up to the parents of the other kids to do whatever they decide, and I would move on, getting on to the business of dealing with my difficult child while others can deal with theirs. I would then let go the role of others in this. I would inform difficult child that you did notify parents and the school, because bullying isn't something you will watch happen to your daughter. I would then refuse to engage in any discussion of blaming the other kids for their ignorance and actions, and I would make clear that while you know they are in the wrong, your focus is where it needs to be/must be/should be: with your own difficult child who you DO have the power to work with. I would then outline the ban on cell phones and internet. I would give no target for returning those non essential activities/devices. I would make it clear that your job as HER mom, is to deal with HER. And that you won't be even considering reinstating phone/net participation until you have seen mighty changes in your difficult child. I would call her out plainly on taking the photo from the web, making up stories of pregnancy, the desperation of that type of behavior, and her own role in why other peers are acting so horribly to her (not that it is ok to bully her, but they see her as a messed up teen girl who will lie and behave terribly herself, which frankly, she is). I would remind her that we are NOT the sum of our mistakes, she has good qualities (outline them) but the focus will be remaining on the negative behaviors. Life would not be the same as difficult child has grown used to, etc. I know it sounds probably as though I'm letting others off the hook. Truly I'm not. I just don't see why you would want to waste energy trying to correct ill behavior of other teens when you've enough on your plate with your own. Know what I mean?? You've got your hands right full, and understandably you want to show your difficult child that she has a right to be treated properly. The quick note to the parents and school covers that, you had her back on that part of things. Then regroup and refocus on what working with her to see how awful these choices are, the effect on others not to mention on herself, and what is spurring this type of attention seeking/desperation. Best of luck to you. Teens are hard without them being difficult children. [/QUOTE]
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