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<blockquote data-quote="slsh" data-source="post: 163467" data-attributes="member: 8"><p>Angela,</p><p> </p><p>Your son may be just like your daughter, or he may not. Only time will tell. I can tell you that of my 4 kids, not a single one of them is alike. It really amazes me sometimes how different they are.</p><p> </p><p>The one thing I wish I had been more aware of way back when is that we have to be careful to parent our pcs differently than our difficult children. I made the mistake of disciplining my younger son the way I did my difficult child, and the results were not great. He's prone to depression and by treating him like a difficult child, he started to become one. Each kid has different needs and, in my home anyway, I have different expectations for each one of them. </p><p> </p><p>When my younger 2 kids hit the "terrible 2s", I was really very very worried that we were going down the same road. But there was a huge difference between "normal" terrible 2s and Tyler's terrible 2s, which are still going on at the ripe of age of 17!! My pcs responded very well to positive reinforcement - thank you didn't. My pcs reponded to my disapproval - thank you didn't. My pcs learned very quickly that negative consequences were bad and learned to avoid repeating those behaviors - to this day, thank you still seeks out negative consequences. They were very subtle differences when I was in the thick of it all, especially since we were dealing with pretty outrageous behavior from thank you and I was more focused on just dealing with disasters. </p><p> </p><p>I totally hear you about the anger - whew boy, I had a lot of very angry days myself when thank you was younger. I have a pretty hot temper to start with. What finally got me to chill out a bit (or at least fake it well <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /> ) was a lot of coaching from the board and the realization that when I got angry, no one was in control and thank you "won" by default. He succeeded in pushing my buttons to the point that I would flip so he actually was the one in charge. I'm also a very competitive person and that helped me change my visible reaction to his behaviors. When I stayed calm, *I* was the one in control. I think it helped de-escalate things with him a little bit. I know one thing for sure it stopped was the vicious names he called me routinely. When I didn't react, there was no payoff for him. Now, he still will resort to calling me whatever, but... it's a comparatively rare occurrence now.</p><p> </p><p>Hang in there! And remember to take care of yourself - moms need TLC too!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="slsh, post: 163467, member: 8"] Angela, Your son may be just like your daughter, or he may not. Only time will tell. I can tell you that of my 4 kids, not a single one of them is alike. It really amazes me sometimes how different they are. The one thing I wish I had been more aware of way back when is that we have to be careful to parent our pcs differently than our difficult children. I made the mistake of disciplining my younger son the way I did my difficult child, and the results were not great. He's prone to depression and by treating him like a difficult child, he started to become one. Each kid has different needs and, in my home anyway, I have different expectations for each one of them. When my younger 2 kids hit the "terrible 2s", I was really very very worried that we were going down the same road. But there was a huge difference between "normal" terrible 2s and Tyler's terrible 2s, which are still going on at the ripe of age of 17!! My pcs responded very well to positive reinforcement - thank you didn't. My pcs reponded to my disapproval - thank you didn't. My pcs learned very quickly that negative consequences were bad and learned to avoid repeating those behaviors - to this day, thank you still seeks out negative consequences. They were very subtle differences when I was in the thick of it all, especially since we were dealing with pretty outrageous behavior from thank you and I was more focused on just dealing with disasters. I totally hear you about the anger - whew boy, I had a lot of very angry days myself when thank you was younger. I have a pretty hot temper to start with. What finally got me to chill out a bit (or at least fake it well ;) ) was a lot of coaching from the board and the realization that when I got angry, no one was in control and thank you "won" by default. He succeeded in pushing my buttons to the point that I would flip so he actually was the one in charge. I'm also a very competitive person and that helped me change my visible reaction to his behaviors. When I stayed calm, *I* was the one in control. I think it helped de-escalate things with him a little bit. I know one thing for sure it stopped was the vicious names he called me routinely. When I didn't react, there was no payoff for him. Now, he still will resort to calling me whatever, but... it's a comparatively rare occurrence now. Hang in there! And remember to take care of yourself - moms need TLC too! [/QUOTE]
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