How likely is it?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by mama2lexxie, Jun 8, 2008.

  1. mama2lexxie

    mama2lexxie New Member

    That DS will have the same issues as difficult child? Of course if I go by the websites that say it is all my fault then I guess pretty good chance DS will have the same diagnosis in a few years. I don't know if I can handle that.

    I am just so tired! I hate being embarrassed by and for difficult child and I am so tired of fighting with her all the time. I just want one thing to be easy and go the way it is supposed to! Just once. :sad-very:
    How do you all do it day after day. She is only 6!
    Sorry to ramble on, I just don't know what to do anymore.
  2. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I know the feeling. It is very hard. It's like they have more energy and stamina and defiance than is humanly possible.
    Taking breaks, even to hide in the bathroom :) works for me. Sometimes I have to go outside and walk around the house.
    And sometimes it helps to get on an antidepressant or anti-anxiety medication, even if you're not predisposed to that, heightened emotions can wear you down. Exercise helps a lot, too.
    And so does this group.
    Just keep breathing.
  3. mama2lexxie

    mama2lexxie New Member

    Thanks Terry!
  4. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    It has nothing to do with your parenting skills. I often find myself saying, "Why do other kids respond to my disciplining style in a positive way, but my kid just doesn't get it?" I try to stay positive but firm. I believe ODD kids do pick up on any tiny particle of confrontation and jump on it by opposing whatever it is. You can say, "Please place your glass of milk further on the table so it will not get bumped and spilled." Most kids will move the glass. ODD kids respond, "And why do you think I would spill? It is o.k. where it is at, I will not spill it." Or, "You mean like this?" as they purposely bump the glass. So for ODD kids, sometimes the less explanation the better, "Glasses need to be in front of your plate." (not just difficult child's but everyone's - that is just the way it is.)

    You most likely have stategies that would fit in easy child kids - that is what society teaches - you just need to look for that key strategy that will work for your difficult child - this board can give ideas and suggestions (we know every kid is different so will not be offended if you say, "that won't work for my difficult child").

    My input is to always stay as calm and posititive as you can. I am not very good at that - it is a daily trial. Anger just feeds into the moment and makes you appear not to be in charge which I believe really scares difficult child into staying in the ODD mode - if mom can't help, this is hopeless. They really are looking at you to find a way out of the moment so if you can resist joing them (my biggest challenge), it will help.

    My other input in the explanation department - the less, the best. Although easy child's learn from our explanations, our little difficult child's love explanations because it gives them more ammo to argue back with.
  5. mama2lexxie

    mama2lexxie New Member

    Thanks so much! I think part of the problem is that now that we have a diagnosis I cannot con myself into believing it is just a phase and she will outgrow it. lol

    I know I do get angry and of course that makes it worse but sometimes I am just so sick of the same thing over and over again.
    I think I will check into the Explosive Child at the library. I have seen that over and over on here.
    Thanks again!!!
  6. slsh

    slsh member since 1999


    Your son may be just like your daughter, or he may not. Only time will tell. I can tell you that of my 4 kids, not a single one of them is alike. It really amazes me sometimes how different they are.

    The one thing I wish I had been more aware of way back when is that we have to be careful to parent our pcs differently than our difficult children. I made the mistake of disciplining my younger son the way I did my difficult child, and the results were not great. He's prone to depression and by treating him like a difficult child, he started to become one. Each kid has different needs and, in my home anyway, I have different expectations for each one of them.

    When my younger 2 kids hit the "terrible 2s", I was really very very worried that we were going down the same road. But there was a huge difference between "normal" terrible 2s and Tyler's terrible 2s, which are still going on at the ripe of age of 17!! My pcs responded very well to positive reinforcement - thank you didn't. My pcs reponded to my disapproval - thank you didn't. My pcs learned very quickly that negative consequences were bad and learned to avoid repeating those behaviors - to this day, thank you still seeks out negative consequences. They were very subtle differences when I was in the thick of it all, especially since we were dealing with pretty outrageous behavior from thank you and I was more focused on just dealing with disasters.

    I totally hear you about the anger - whew boy, I had a lot of very angry days myself when thank you was younger. I have a pretty hot temper to start with. What finally got me to chill out a bit (or at least fake it well ;) ) was a lot of coaching from the board and the realization that when I got angry, no one was in control and thank you "won" by default. He succeeded in pushing my buttons to the point that I would flip so he actually was the one in charge. I'm also a very competitive person and that helped me change my visible reaction to his behaviors. When I stayed calm, *I* was the one in control. I think it helped de-escalate things with him a little bit. I know one thing for sure it stopped was the vicious names he called me routinely. When I didn't react, there was no payoff for him. Now, he still will resort to calling me whatever, but... it's a comparatively rare occurrence now.

    Hang in there! And remember to take care of yourself - moms need TLC too!
  7. mama2lexxie

    mama2lexxie New Member

    Thanks so much Sue and everyone!
    I appreciate all the input and support!