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<blockquote data-quote="AnnieO" data-source="post: 411010" data-attributes="member: 6705"><p>I haven't seen you here yet till now - so - WELCOME!!!</p><p> </p><p>OK... I am the step parent in my situation. I'm also the stricter parent. There are LOTS of reasons for this, main one being when husband <em>tried</em> to be a parent (in any way) before, he would end up with CPO upon CPO upon CPO. Now, of course, due to lots of horrible stuff, husband has <em>full</em> custody, which is unusual for a father. But I digress.</p><p> </p><p>I tried stepping back. That did not work, because husband was afraid to step up... And by the time we got residential, and then full custody, the damage had really started to sink in to the kids. So I just kept being Mom - someone had to (and bio-mom, or BM, was busy being a "friend" and trying to get the kids to accuse husband). Now, of course, husband is stepping up much, much more - but it's taken a lot of pushing, pulling, and generally throwing my hands up in the air. I parent him, sometimes, too.</p><p> </p><p>So... Keep in mind that you're NOT their parent. She is. However, and many will disagree with me - you may have to do some parenting. If wife is a wet noodle about consequences, and you're not - the inconsistency is just going to make difficult child's behavior worse.</p><p> </p><p>Now - the question - is their bio dad in their life much? What's he like? Is difficult child on any medications? As for the ADHD - BM had Jett diagnosis'd with it, and pretty much medicated him into oblivion. Didn't help. Yes, it is probably there - but I think it's mild. However, ADHD does really exist, so I have to wonder. (And kids with ADHD can in fact focus if they're interested - focus to the point of ignoring EVERYTHING ELSE.) What is the history of psychological and/or addiction in wife's and her X's families?</p><p> </p><p>More people will have more questions.. But this is a good place for a start.</p><p> </p><p>Oh, yes - {{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="AnnieO, post: 411010, member: 6705"] I haven't seen you here yet till now - so - WELCOME!!! OK... I am the step parent in my situation. I'm also the stricter parent. There are LOTS of reasons for this, main one being when husband [I]tried[/I] to be a parent (in any way) before, he would end up with CPO upon CPO upon CPO. Now, of course, due to lots of horrible stuff, husband has [I]full[/I] custody, which is unusual for a father. But I digress. I tried stepping back. That did not work, because husband was afraid to step up... And by the time we got residential, and then full custody, the damage had really started to sink in to the kids. So I just kept being Mom - someone had to (and bio-mom, or BM, was busy being a "friend" and trying to get the kids to accuse husband). Now, of course, husband is stepping up much, much more - but it's taken a lot of pushing, pulling, and generally throwing my hands up in the air. I parent him, sometimes, too. So... Keep in mind that you're NOT their parent. She is. However, and many will disagree with me - you may have to do some parenting. If wife is a wet noodle about consequences, and you're not - the inconsistency is just going to make difficult child's behavior worse. Now - the question - is their bio dad in their life much? What's he like? Is difficult child on any medications? As for the ADHD - BM had Jett diagnosis'd with it, and pretty much medicated him into oblivion. Didn't help. Yes, it is probably there - but I think it's mild. However, ADHD does really exist, so I have to wonder. (And kids with ADHD can in fact focus if they're interested - focus to the point of ignoring EVERYTHING ELSE.) What is the history of psychological and/or addiction in wife's and her X's families? More people will have more questions.. But this is a good place for a start. Oh, yes - {{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}} [/QUOTE]
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