We've gotten to the point of providing a roof, food, shower... and that's about it, for our 19-year-old daughter. Recently she landed a full-time fast food job. Even before she started her first day, we kept telling her how SHE NEEDED TO GET TO HER JOB ON HER OWN. We want HER to be responsible for hopping the bus there, hopping the bus home. The first day, my husband ends up driving her. After all, it's her first day!!! -- Two hours of grueling orientation. My mother (enabler extraordinaire) picked her up and dropped her off somewhere else after she was done. Today was her first 8-hour day. It was early. So last night, after visiting her boyfriend in jail, instead of coming right home like she said she was going to do, the clock ticked by 2 hours of my husband and I waiting and waiting, wondering if she was even going to show up, or if something horrible had happened to her. Finally, near 1am she comes home. Bothers us about her black shoes she needs, that she's known about all week, but can't find 5 hours before she needs to be up and getting ready. Hmm. So this morning my husband wakes her up to get ready and he leaves for work. I'm sleeping with one eye open, and finally get up when it seems like she should already be on the bus. I asked her twice why she was still there. She got huffy. Finally admits that she called my dad (grandpa) for a ride (another extreme enabler). I pointed out to her that the bus was coming in one minute, and she had not missed it, like she said. She whined about being tired. I insisted on her taking the bus. She stormed out, swearing at me. Didn't take her purse, a lunch - NOTHING. To her first day of work. I feel badly, because I feel like I always need to be the heavy, the enforcer. Always. I feel bad because I sometimes think she's damaged her brain so much with using that she really is kind of slow (she even notices this). But, I don't see any other way of her to be self-sufficient and to stop using people, unless she's kind of forced to rely on herself. But, I'm exhausted from being the one who always puts the foot down when everyone else bends to her desires. I feel like an ogre sometimes, like maybe I'm wrong, if everyone else around me isn't as "hard" as me. Even though my common sense tells me that loving her isn't enabling her, it feels more "natural" to be an enabler. To be the heavy doesn't feel as loving.