Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
How much "helping" is really enabling?
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="CrazyinVA" data-source="post: 372647" data-attributes="member: 1157"><p>It's a really tough line sometimes, I know. I'd watch my kids go to work in dirty, wrinkled clothes, stay up too late and oversleep and go in late to work, or call in sick, etc. I felt like I nagged, nagged, nagged. On one hand, it was on them if they lost their job due to their own irresponsibility. On the other, I felt like *I* would be suffering if they lost their job, since they'd be home more and whining about having no money, and having a job was part of the deal with them living with me. Ultimately I felt it was their responsibility, and I did my best not to fight that battle. I figured they'd never learn to get their butts out of bed, if I kept waking them up. Let the natural consequences fall where they may. It was a real rollercoaster of a ride, that's for sure. I caved many times. I'm glad those years are behind me... both of them eventually *did* learn to be more responsible, but it took some time. </p><p></p><p>Of course in my case, there was only me to drive them, or help them find their shoes, or remind them to wash their uniforms. There was no else to enable them when I said "no," no relatives to call (although I think they did convince friends for rides, occasionally). It definitely makes you more of the "bad guy" when others are enabling her, and you're not, so I feel for you there. I still think that, as tough as it is, the "right" answer is to let her own it. You can't control the others enabling her. You can try to talk to them, and explain your reasons for NOT helping her, and hope that they get it, but in the end, you can't do anything about their behavior, only yours. I think you're going to have to detach from it as best you can, as maddening as that is.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="CrazyinVA, post: 372647, member: 1157"] It's a really tough line sometimes, I know. I'd watch my kids go to work in dirty, wrinkled clothes, stay up too late and oversleep and go in late to work, or call in sick, etc. I felt like I nagged, nagged, nagged. On one hand, it was on them if they lost their job due to their own irresponsibility. On the other, I felt like *I* would be suffering if they lost their job, since they'd be home more and whining about having no money, and having a job was part of the deal with them living with me. Ultimately I felt it was their responsibility, and I did my best not to fight that battle. I figured they'd never learn to get their butts out of bed, if I kept waking them up. Let the natural consequences fall where they may. It was a real rollercoaster of a ride, that's for sure. I caved many times. I'm glad those years are behind me... both of them eventually *did* learn to be more responsible, but it took some time. Of course in my case, there was only me to drive them, or help them find their shoes, or remind them to wash their uniforms. There was no else to enable them when I said "no," no relatives to call (although I think they did convince friends for rides, occasionally). It definitely makes you more of the "bad guy" when others are enabling her, and you're not, so I feel for you there. I still think that, as tough as it is, the "right" answer is to let her own it. You can't control the others enabling her. You can try to talk to them, and explain your reasons for NOT helping her, and hope that they get it, but in the end, you can't do anything about their behavior, only yours. I think you're going to have to detach from it as best you can, as maddening as that is. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
How much "helping" is really enabling?
Top