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Parent Emeritus
How much "helping" is really enabling?
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<blockquote data-quote="hearts and roses" data-source="post: 372911" data-attributes="member: 2211"><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">Just wanted to add: When I began viewing detachment as another form of showing my love for my daughters, it really helped me to detach in a loving way. When I was able to see just how clearly that helping my kids was actually hurting my kids, I was able to let go and let them figure it out for themselves. I'm not perfect about it, but changing the way I viewed things really helped me. And that was the first step for me, personally, in detaching in a loving way. To allow them the space and time to learn from their own natural consequences and figure out how to create a life for themselves was the KEY in showing my love for them...loving them so much that I was not going to push back when they tried to push me. In effect, they stopped rebelling because there was nothing left for them to rebel against, understand? </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">Finding something to admire in their actions or efforts to become an independent adult - even if they go about it in a way we don't particulary agree with. Let them fumble, but admire their resourcefulness, whether it is in getting rides from gramma or calling a friend, etc. </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">Of course, this worked for me because my daughters are over 18 and it took a lot of practive and venting (here and with friends!).</span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hearts and roses, post: 372911, member: 2211"] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]Just wanted to add: When I began viewing detachment as another form of showing my love for my daughters, it really helped me to detach in a loving way. When I was able to see just how clearly that helping my kids was actually hurting my kids, I was able to let go and let them figure it out for themselves. I'm not perfect about it, but changing the way I viewed things really helped me. And that was the first step for me, personally, in detaching in a loving way. To allow them the space and time to learn from their own natural consequences and figure out how to create a life for themselves was the KEY in showing my love for them...loving them so much that I was not going to push back when they tried to push me. In effect, they stopped rebelling because there was nothing left for them to rebel against, understand? [/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue][/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]Finding something to admire in their actions or efforts to become an independent adult - even if they go about it in a way we don't particulary agree with. Let them fumble, but admire their resourcefulness, whether it is in getting rides from gramma or calling a friend, etc. [/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]Of course, this worked for me because my daughters are over 18 and it took a lot of practive and venting (here and with friends!).[/COLOR][/SIZE] [/QUOTE]
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How much "helping" is really enabling?
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