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Parent Emeritus
how often do you talk to your difficult "child" now adult?
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<blockquote data-quote="Lil" data-source="post: 737882" data-attributes="member: 17309"><p>My post here is from last year. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> Actually you remember correctly and he was allowed in and was working and paying rent. Later, however, he quit the job he had and took a different one...he was doing security work, sitting overnight watching a closed business during holidays, etc. But it was as needed and her father decided he wasn't working enough and started grumbling about him moving out. He and his girl both moved out and got an apartment with a friend from her college and they are living in a different town now. Last I heard he worked for Burger King, but was trying to get a job as a line cook in a restaurant.</p><p></p><p>He just proposed. We expect a wedding next summer. Which has me kind of freaking about her possible status in the USA. She was born in Mexico but has lived her since 6 months old. Her mom has a green card, but when we saw her last year, she wasn't sure what her own status is. She's almost 21. If her mom hasn't gotten her a green card, I'm afraid she could be deported? I don't know how to ask, but I'm worried for both her and my son. She's just the sweetest girl.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Copa, in your case, this is my take on a restraining order. Please take if for what it's worth.</p><p></p><p>A restraining order is just a piece of paper and people will follow it if they want to and won't if they don't want to. They may take it as "Wow. She's really serious" or they may take it as "Screw her, I'll do what I want". Now...If they choose option 2, the restraining order WILL have one plus...you call the police they WILL arrest. None of this, "Oh, why don't you let him stay." You call and they come and he's arrested for violating the order.</p><p></p><p>The real question is does that help you or hurt you? WILL you call the police, knowing that they WILL arrest him and charge him if you do? Or are you more likely to NOT call, because you know they will arrest him and charge him if you do? If you are in category 2 - then the restraining order will have the effect of restraining YOU from calling the police. That is not what you want.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I am SO sorry you are hurting. I have read so many times on this board your fierce love of your son and your pain and I know that you have only ever wanted him to get better...but that can't happen unless he wants it to happen.</p><p></p><p>Perhaps, we as parents have to hit our rock-bottom too?</p><p></p><p>I send you huge cyber hugs Copa and tell you to hold on tight.</p><p></p><p>by the way - I adore Jack Palance. <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/wink.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":wink:" title="wink :wink:" data-shortname=":wink:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Lil, post: 737882, member: 17309"] My post here is from last year. :) Actually you remember correctly and he was allowed in and was working and paying rent. Later, however, he quit the job he had and took a different one...he was doing security work, sitting overnight watching a closed business during holidays, etc. But it was as needed and her father decided he wasn't working enough and started grumbling about him moving out. He and his girl both moved out and got an apartment with a friend from her college and they are living in a different town now. Last I heard he worked for Burger King, but was trying to get a job as a line cook in a restaurant. He just proposed. We expect a wedding next summer. Which has me kind of freaking about her possible status in the USA. She was born in Mexico but has lived her since 6 months old. Her mom has a green card, but when we saw her last year, she wasn't sure what her own status is. She's almost 21. If her mom hasn't gotten her a green card, I'm afraid she could be deported? I don't know how to ask, but I'm worried for both her and my son. She's just the sweetest girl. Copa, in your case, this is my take on a restraining order. Please take if for what it's worth. A restraining order is just a piece of paper and people will follow it if they want to and won't if they don't want to. They may take it as "Wow. She's really serious" or they may take it as "Screw her, I'll do what I want". Now...If they choose option 2, the restraining order WILL have one plus...you call the police they WILL arrest. None of this, "Oh, why don't you let him stay." You call and they come and he's arrested for violating the order. The real question is does that help you or hurt you? WILL you call the police, knowing that they WILL arrest him and charge him if you do? Or are you more likely to NOT call, because you know they will arrest him and charge him if you do? If you are in category 2 - then the restraining order will have the effect of restraining YOU from calling the police. That is not what you want. I am SO sorry you are hurting. I have read so many times on this board your fierce love of your son and your pain and I know that you have only ever wanted him to get better...but that can't happen unless he wants it to happen. Perhaps, we as parents have to hit our rock-bottom too? I send you huge cyber hugs Copa and tell you to hold on tight. by the way - I adore Jack Palance. :wink: [/QUOTE]
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