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how often do you talk to your difficult "child" now adult?
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<blockquote data-quote="OTE" data-source="post: 738472"><p>I got started on the topic of being judgemental on the post I started on PE forum. And I think that applies especially to dealing with our adult children. Being non-judgemental can be a learned skill. As parents of gifts from God we have all been judged thousands of times. And certainly didn't enjoy it. No one does. Our children don't. I see comments about politics on this thread. I submit that discussions about politics are unpleasant because politics is full of judgements. </p><p></p><p>There's a part of DBT therapy about being non-judgemental. I can heartily recommend it to anyone having difficulty with this.</p><p></p><p>In terms of communication with my kids... We have subjects that are not open to discussion. We both have to respect those. For example, their use of drugs is a closed topic. They know my opinions. They know I will do whatever I can do if they choose to get help. For that matter they know they can always come to me for defined kinds of help. They know I will respond to any emergency including OD. But I will never bail them out of jail, pay a court fine or otherwise help with consequences of illegal behavior. Having saud that, I do send my son in prison limited amounts of money for food, medical care, clothes and education. They know that I will hang up and refuse calls if they call me names, in any way harass me, etc. These things they've learned the hard way and like anything with our kids I am consistent in this.</p><p></p><p>There's one thing that my oldest says irrevocably changed our relationship. Some years ago he was in a prison an hour from home. Every week for a year plus I visited for the allowed 2 hours. He was happy to get out of a cell, see females, get a break from the monotony, etc. Eventually he began to look forward to it just to talk to me. He said that he began to see me as a person not just a mom. He said I treated him like an adult. Probably true as a male in prison is nothing like a child.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="OTE, post: 738472"] I got started on the topic of being judgemental on the post I started on PE forum. And I think that applies especially to dealing with our adult children. Being non-judgemental can be a learned skill. As parents of gifts from God we have all been judged thousands of times. And certainly didn't enjoy it. No one does. Our children don't. I see comments about politics on this thread. I submit that discussions about politics are unpleasant because politics is full of judgements. There's a part of DBT therapy about being non-judgemental. I can heartily recommend it to anyone having difficulty with this. In terms of communication with my kids... We have subjects that are not open to discussion. We both have to respect those. For example, their use of drugs is a closed topic. They know my opinions. They know I will do whatever I can do if they choose to get help. For that matter they know they can always come to me for defined kinds of help. They know I will respond to any emergency including OD. But I will never bail them out of jail, pay a court fine or otherwise help with consequences of illegal behavior. Having saud that, I do send my son in prison limited amounts of money for food, medical care, clothes and education. They know that I will hang up and refuse calls if they call me names, in any way harass me, etc. These things they've learned the hard way and like anything with our kids I am consistent in this. There's one thing that my oldest says irrevocably changed our relationship. Some years ago he was in a prison an hour from home. Every week for a year plus I visited for the allowed 2 hours. He was happy to get out of a cell, see females, get a break from the monotony, etc. Eventually he began to look forward to it just to talk to me. He said that he began to see me as a person not just a mom. He said I treated him like an adult. Probably true as a male in prison is nothing like a child. [/QUOTE]
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how often do you talk to your difficult "child" now adult?
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