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How old was your difficult child when you knew?
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<blockquote data-quote="Joolz" data-source="post: 346090" data-attributes="member: 9128"><p>It's funny that you mentioned "The Explosive Child." I picked it up about a year ago when we started to admit there was something more going on. I've also read "Raising Your Spirited Child," by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka and recently, "Help - My Kid is Driving Me Crazy," by David Swanson, Psy.D. While I have found all the books helpful in different ways, I run into several problems putting any of the suggested strategies into action.</p><p> Firstly, I find it difficult to have a different set of rules for each child. I realize it is necessary, but it is difficult to switch back an forth. In addition my easy child will protest when I tolerate a behavior from difficult child (because it is not one of the battles I am currently fighting) but do not tolerate it from her, i.e. throwing clothes on the floor, not putting toys away. I've explained to easy child that just like some kids need a little more time learn how to read, difficult child needs a little more time and patience with the rules of the house. At the same time I feel bad because I feel by doing this that I am setting difficult child apart and causing even more of a rift between the two siblings. Should I be using the new set of rules on easy child? It doesn't seem to make sense when she has been thriving with our typical parenting style.</p><p> Secondly, husband and I have difficulty staying on the same page. Before I go on let me begin with the fact that he is a wonderful and loving father and devoted to his family. However, he doesn't have the patience to read these books and often feels that after I read one, I start dictating how to handle difficult child. This obviously creates tension between the two of us and confusion and further frustration from difficult child. This is where I am hoping the therapist will help - the advice and guidance will be coming out of her mouth, not mine.</p><p> But as you said, ODD usually coexists with other conditions, and that is what we are trying to determine now. difficult child is highly sensitive to touch, sound, taste and smell, but her level of tolerance seems to wax and wane unpredictably. She pulls and sometimes eats her hair. She can be a fidget, but will also stay focused for long periods with certain activities. She is at grade level at school. Her speech is sometimes difficult to understand. doctor and teachers have told us she will outgrow this, but we are beginning to have doubts. She is not yet physically abusive, but is becoming increasingly verbally and emotionally abusive to her family members. During extreme tantrums she has threatened to hurt herself and has superficially scratched and bitten herself.</p><p> Anyway, that is a little glimpse into our world. I am open to advice and suggestions. I know I am not a bad parent, but I am having a hard time shrugging off the parenting style that worked so well with my first child. Therapy seems to have been a step in the right direction, but so far it seems to be going very slowly as her behavior is becoming increasingly worse. Should we push to have her evaluated? And if so, privately or through the school? Should I involve the school if she is not yet displaying the behaviors there?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Joolz, post: 346090, member: 9128"] It's funny that you mentioned "The Explosive Child." I picked it up about a year ago when we started to admit there was something more going on. I've also read "Raising Your Spirited Child," by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka and recently, "Help - My Kid is Driving Me Crazy," by David Swanson, Psy.D. While I have found all the books helpful in different ways, I run into several problems putting any of the suggested strategies into action. Firstly, I find it difficult to have a different set of rules for each child. I realize it is necessary, but it is difficult to switch back an forth. In addition my easy child will protest when I tolerate a behavior from difficult child (because it is not one of the battles I am currently fighting) but do not tolerate it from her, i.e. throwing clothes on the floor, not putting toys away. I've explained to easy child that just like some kids need a little more time learn how to read, difficult child needs a little more time and patience with the rules of the house. At the same time I feel bad because I feel by doing this that I am setting difficult child apart and causing even more of a rift between the two siblings. Should I be using the new set of rules on easy child? It doesn't seem to make sense when she has been thriving with our typical parenting style. Secondly, husband and I have difficulty staying on the same page. Before I go on let me begin with the fact that he is a wonderful and loving father and devoted to his family. However, he doesn't have the patience to read these books and often feels that after I read one, I start dictating how to handle difficult child. This obviously creates tension between the two of us and confusion and further frustration from difficult child. This is where I am hoping the therapist will help - the advice and guidance will be coming out of her mouth, not mine. But as you said, ODD usually coexists with other conditions, and that is what we are trying to determine now. difficult child is highly sensitive to touch, sound, taste and smell, but her level of tolerance seems to wax and wane unpredictably. She pulls and sometimes eats her hair. She can be a fidget, but will also stay focused for long periods with certain activities. She is at grade level at school. Her speech is sometimes difficult to understand. doctor and teachers have told us she will outgrow this, but we are beginning to have doubts. She is not yet physically abusive, but is becoming increasingly verbally and emotionally abusive to her family members. During extreme tantrums she has threatened to hurt herself and has superficially scratched and bitten herself. Anyway, that is a little glimpse into our world. I am open to advice and suggestions. I know I am not a bad parent, but I am having a hard time shrugging off the parenting style that worked so well with my first child. Therapy seems to have been a step in the right direction, but so far it seems to be going very slowly as her behavior is becoming increasingly worse. Should we push to have her evaluated? And if so, privately or through the school? Should I involve the school if she is not yet displaying the behaviors there? [/QUOTE]
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