They do know it is not cancer. I was able to hide whole thing from Joy almost till that was evident. But these type of usually benign tumors have a small chance to be malign and while that is even more unlikely with my tiny tumor (that MLC tear early this year turned out to be really lucky, without it this would had been found much, much later when it would had started to cause some symptoms and would had been much bigger) would be malign but it is not totally sure before they have examined tumour tissue. Even if it would be malign, prognosis is very good. That I have also told Joy countless times.
I guess it comes down to that we are different people and react differently. And to husband and Joy my way to react is difficult to handle and for me their way to react is difficult to handle. I need space and time to think bad thing through before I can share or be consoled or console them. They need to do something, fix something, right now, right there. When it comes to biggies, those styles of handling things don't mix well. They find me to be aloof, indifferent or not caring. I find them to be hovering, in my face, overbearing and annoying.
It doesn't help that difficult child comes after me and husband and Joy find him to be aloof and not caring too. And while they are too reasonable to attack me over being too aloof for their taste over MY health issue, they do attack him and that is stressful for me too. I also don't like how I feel I have to play referee all the time and how it divides our family to husband and Joy on other side of the fence and me and difficult child on the other. Then again, how do I not take difficult child side when his dad and brother come up with ridiculous accusations of not caring or not loving me when difficult child is just giving me space that I want and need? Just this morning husband went that far that he actually said those words and told difficult child how disgusted he is to have difficult child under his roof when difficult child doesn't even seem to 'give a damn of his mother who has done everything for him.' Joy has said similar things.
husband is an adult and I can kick his butt into pulp over this - and I do, but with Joy I would want to be more understanding. He is still a kid and scared his mommy could die. And I love him too much not to try to reassure him. But I love also difficult child and it is not fair they are taking their frustration for my behaviour out on him. And it is MY health scare, my leg that is on the chopping block, I need to be allowed to deal with it my way.
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