Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
How to choose between two children-help me please
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 714432" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I did it. I cried all the time. But my young kids could not handle the cops, the drugs, the chaos. I had to do it for them and also for my difficult daughter who was not improving.</p><p></p><p>I must add she also had a bipolar diagnosis.</p><p></p><p>She did not like having nowhere to go and she changed her life after moving into the basement with a very tough relative in another state, including the meth, cocaine and also even cigarettes. She was not allowed to smoke there. She worked snd walked back and forth in the cold Chicago winter. She had no car either. She grew up. Now she is 34, twelve years later or maybe even more, has gone for a two year college certificate on her own dime, owns a house with her long time boyfriend and is a loving, normal mother to my granddaughter.</p><p></p><p>My two younger kids are close to her. They dont resent her. One of my youngest is close to becoming a police officer. Because she saw her sister struggle???</p><p></p><p>My daughter who changed is not bipolar. She just acted bipolar on drugs. She is fine...kind, loving and smart. Misdiagnosis.</p><p></p><p>Has your daughter changed for the better as you take care of her, as though she cant take care of herself? I think thats a bad message. These failure to thrive adult kids dont tend to thrive when we keep believing they will fail and treat them as if they cant take care of themselves. If she is truly disabled per her doctors she ahould be able to apply for disability and get a caseworker and pay for a rented room in somebodys home. She doesnt need a mansion or a nice apartment you pay for. Our adult kids who take our money for rent dont tend to take care of their paid for apartments and often get thrown out. They dont appreciate what they dont work for. Why should they? They know we eill rescue them.</p><p></p><p>I have an autistic son who works two jobs, gets some social security and pays for his own cozy apartment. We always treated him as if he could...and so he did. We never felt sorry for him and he does nof pity himself. He is well adjusted and everyone loves him. Yet he is certainly challenged.</p><p></p><p>If you keep feeling sorry for your daughter, you will suffer, she will feel sorry for herself (and try to guilt you), and your other loved ones will have poor memories of her and of their upbringing.</p><p></p><p>in my opinion your daughter needs to leave home. If you want to pay, do it. I did not but you can. At least the rest of your family can be peaceful if she is gone and maybe with distance she will change.</p><p></p><p>I have a lifelong history of depression and anxiety. Very common mental illnesses. Most who have these challenges work and thrive and improve. They do not make one crippled nor mean. They can both be overcome. Your daughter refusing help is her own problem, not yours.</p><p></p><p>Love and hugs and good luck. This is hard. I understand, trust me.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 714432, member: 1550"] I did it. I cried all the time. But my young kids could not handle the cops, the drugs, the chaos. I had to do it for them and also for my difficult daughter who was not improving. I must add she also had a bipolar diagnosis. She did not like having nowhere to go and she changed her life after moving into the basement with a very tough relative in another state, including the meth, cocaine and also even cigarettes. She was not allowed to smoke there. She worked snd walked back and forth in the cold Chicago winter. She had no car either. She grew up. Now she is 34, twelve years later or maybe even more, has gone for a two year college certificate on her own dime, owns a house with her long time boyfriend and is a loving, normal mother to my granddaughter. My two younger kids are close to her. They dont resent her. One of my youngest is close to becoming a police officer. Because she saw her sister struggle??? My daughter who changed is not bipolar. She just acted bipolar on drugs. She is fine...kind, loving and smart. Misdiagnosis. Has your daughter changed for the better as you take care of her, as though she cant take care of herself? I think thats a bad message. These failure to thrive adult kids dont tend to thrive when we keep believing they will fail and treat them as if they cant take care of themselves. If she is truly disabled per her doctors she ahould be able to apply for disability and get a caseworker and pay for a rented room in somebodys home. She doesnt need a mansion or a nice apartment you pay for. Our adult kids who take our money for rent dont tend to take care of their paid for apartments and often get thrown out. They dont appreciate what they dont work for. Why should they? They know we eill rescue them. I have an autistic son who works two jobs, gets some social security and pays for his own cozy apartment. We always treated him as if he could...and so he did. We never felt sorry for him and he does nof pity himself. He is well adjusted and everyone loves him. Yet he is certainly challenged. If you keep feeling sorry for your daughter, you will suffer, she will feel sorry for herself (and try to guilt you), and your other loved ones will have poor memories of her and of their upbringing. in my opinion your daughter needs to leave home. If you want to pay, do it. I did not but you can. At least the rest of your family can be peaceful if she is gone and maybe with distance she will change. I have a lifelong history of depression and anxiety. Very common mental illnesses. Most who have these challenges work and thrive and improve. They do not make one crippled nor mean. They can both be overcome. Your daughter refusing help is her own problem, not yours. Love and hugs and good luck. This is hard. I understand, trust me. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
How to choose between two children-help me please
Top