Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
How to choose between two children-help me please
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 714578" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Enough is enough. If she cannot behave, the reason why is irrelevant. Sorry to be so harsh, but it is what it is. I also have a difficult child, and this is HIS opinion. He has to get his act together also. If she busts a hole in the wall, why can't she fix the wall when she calms down? Directions exist on youtube and in books? She can spend her own money on the supplies. That is how you learn not to do things like that. They are a PITA to fix, so you don't want to do it again. Or you pay someone to fix it out of money you had to go earn, or stuff of yours that you had to sell to pay the person who fixed it. That is simple logic and a basic logical consequence of life.</p><p></p><p>Your daughter needs to apply for disability if she cannot work and is so bad off. Or else she needs to go and get a job. This is life and it applies to us all. Not just some of us.</p><p></p><p>I know this is hard for you, mom. But you cannot fix her. You never could. It simply isn't your job. You raised her, now she has to go fly out of the nest. It is hard. Your job is to focus on the one still in the nest and on yourself. </p><p></p><p>Have you ever been on an airplane? Remember what they tell you if the plane goes down? To put the oxygen mask on yourself first and then on your child? There is a reason for that. if you go down, you cannot help your child. If your child goes down but you are ok, you can revive your child. Your child isn't supposed to have to revive you. </p><p></p><p>Right now you are going down and so is the rest of the family. You forgot your oxygen mask. You simply have to take some resources and time and recharge you. Then you can go and help your daughters. Focus on the 16yo and then the adult one. Yes, the adult one is sick, and just 18. But she has had a lot of attention. Why not see what she does without the attention. What she can do on her own? Aren't you just a little bit curious? </p><p></p><p>Get the ball rolling for disability, and then get her out of your home. I know that is harsh, but she cannot live with your peacefully so she cannot live with you. You have a right to a peaceful home, period. You have a right to not have the police come to your home to deal with someone out of control, regardless of why they are out of control. Given that your daughter won't take her medications and won't go to therapy, there is NOTHING you can do for her. So she cannot live with you. If she will do what the doctors say, that is different, but as she is noncompliant, and violent, she needs to go and figure this out on her own. She can get disability and she can get her own place to live. If she wants to use marijuana, that is her choice, but she can choose it somewhere else. I don't say it is good or bad, just that her behavior is not acceptable and you cannot tolerate it.</p><p></p><p>You have to be okay and you clearly are not. Save yourself first, and remember that she is an adult and has to live with the consequences of her actions. Your role as her parent is to create a contributing member of society, not a happy person. Her happiness is her business, not yours. Even the Constitution only guarantees the PURSUIT of happiness, not happiness itself. It is time she took some responsibility here, and you need to take some responsibility for your younger daughter and her life. Spend time with her and focus on her. Make her a priority because she is a minor. Your older daughter is mentally ill, but that is NOT AN EXCUSE. My oldest child has a form of autism SO WHAT? He still works a full time job as a manager in a grocery store. Then he goes and cleans his apartment so that it doesn't get bugs. Then he plays role playing games and helps my parents with chores. He has to do the same things everyone else does. His autism doesn't change that. Neither does his ADHD. He has to figure it out.</p><p></p><p>So does your daughter. She may need some help, but part of that help is letting her flounder and fail. If you don't let her fall, she won't ever figure out how to get back up. She is stronger than you think. Stand back and let her prove it. Even if she says she hates you now, she will get over it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 714578, member: 1233"] Enough is enough. If she cannot behave, the reason why is irrelevant. Sorry to be so harsh, but it is what it is. I also have a difficult child, and this is HIS opinion. He has to get his act together also. If she busts a hole in the wall, why can't she fix the wall when she calms down? Directions exist on youtube and in books? She can spend her own money on the supplies. That is how you learn not to do things like that. They are a PITA to fix, so you don't want to do it again. Or you pay someone to fix it out of money you had to go earn, or stuff of yours that you had to sell to pay the person who fixed it. That is simple logic and a basic logical consequence of life. Your daughter needs to apply for disability if she cannot work and is so bad off. Or else she needs to go and get a job. This is life and it applies to us all. Not just some of us. I know this is hard for you, mom. But you cannot fix her. You never could. It simply isn't your job. You raised her, now she has to go fly out of the nest. It is hard. Your job is to focus on the one still in the nest and on yourself. Have you ever been on an airplane? Remember what they tell you if the plane goes down? To put the oxygen mask on yourself first and then on your child? There is a reason for that. if you go down, you cannot help your child. If your child goes down but you are ok, you can revive your child. Your child isn't supposed to have to revive you. Right now you are going down and so is the rest of the family. You forgot your oxygen mask. You simply have to take some resources and time and recharge you. Then you can go and help your daughters. Focus on the 16yo and then the adult one. Yes, the adult one is sick, and just 18. But she has had a lot of attention. Why not see what she does without the attention. What she can do on her own? Aren't you just a little bit curious? Get the ball rolling for disability, and then get her out of your home. I know that is harsh, but she cannot live with your peacefully so she cannot live with you. You have a right to a peaceful home, period. You have a right to not have the police come to your home to deal with someone out of control, regardless of why they are out of control. Given that your daughter won't take her medications and won't go to therapy, there is NOTHING you can do for her. So she cannot live with you. If she will do what the doctors say, that is different, but as she is noncompliant, and violent, she needs to go and figure this out on her own. She can get disability and she can get her own place to live. If she wants to use marijuana, that is her choice, but she can choose it somewhere else. I don't say it is good or bad, just that her behavior is not acceptable and you cannot tolerate it. You have to be okay and you clearly are not. Save yourself first, and remember that she is an adult and has to live with the consequences of her actions. Your role as her parent is to create a contributing member of society, not a happy person. Her happiness is her business, not yours. Even the Constitution only guarantees the PURSUIT of happiness, not happiness itself. It is time she took some responsibility here, and you need to take some responsibility for your younger daughter and her life. Spend time with her and focus on her. Make her a priority because she is a minor. Your older daughter is mentally ill, but that is NOT AN EXCUSE. My oldest child has a form of autism SO WHAT? He still works a full time job as a manager in a grocery store. Then he goes and cleans his apartment so that it doesn't get bugs. Then he plays role playing games and helps my parents with chores. He has to do the same things everyone else does. His autism doesn't change that. Neither does his ADHD. He has to figure it out. So does your daughter. She may need some help, but part of that help is letting her flounder and fail. If you don't let her fall, she won't ever figure out how to get back up. She is stronger than you think. Stand back and let her prove it. Even if she says she hates you now, she will get over it. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
How to choose between two children-help me please
Top