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How to choose between two children-help me please
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 714592" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>My autistic son whose birthmother took drugs while pregnant (he had crack in his syem at birth and had open heart surgery) has two part time jobs, gets a little social security and lives on his own and supports himself and is the kindest human being I know. He has a tough history, but in no way feels sorry for himself.</p><p></p><p>I think if he can be such a good person and be self sustaining and kind hearted, your daughter can do those things too. I think Susies post was spot on. </p><p></p><p>We always treated Son like he could do things. He washed his own clothes by twelve, could cook, cleaned his room, did school well, mowed the lawn, shoveled the snow, did other chores. Feeling sorry for him would have made him think he couldnt do things. He does not choose to drive so he rides his bike, walks or takes cabs on his own dime. He doesnt ask us to drive him anywhere, even in winter.</p><p></p><p>Your daughter has to find a way to do life herself. And you are afraid she cant. And you put her above all else. This hurts her and the rest of you too.</p><p></p><p>Maybe if you make her live without you she will refuse to seek help or be productive. That doesnt mean she cant do it. It means she wont do it. And that is her choice. There is Disability and services if she truly cant work. I explained group homes. My son has many friends with various disabilities, including some with brain damage and some with sevete mental illness (but they comply with treatment). They all have jobs. The Dept. Of Workforce Development will find you a job if you are disabled. She can find a life outside of you. Or not. Its up to her.</p><p></p><p>And you and your family need space from her chaos too. And she needs space from your constant presence and pity and unfounded guilt. As adults we all need to learn how to move on from bad experiences, including you and your daughter.</p><p></p><p>Many of us got very good support in therapy. Why not you?</p><p></p><p>Love and light!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 714592, member: 1550"] My autistic son whose birthmother took drugs while pregnant (he had crack in his syem at birth and had open heart surgery) has two part time jobs, gets a little social security and lives on his own and supports himself and is the kindest human being I know. He has a tough history, but in no way feels sorry for himself. I think if he can be such a good person and be self sustaining and kind hearted, your daughter can do those things too. I think Susies post was spot on. We always treated Son like he could do things. He washed his own clothes by twelve, could cook, cleaned his room, did school well, mowed the lawn, shoveled the snow, did other chores. Feeling sorry for him would have made him think he couldnt do things. He does not choose to drive so he rides his bike, walks or takes cabs on his own dime. He doesnt ask us to drive him anywhere, even in winter. Your daughter has to find a way to do life herself. And you are afraid she cant. And you put her above all else. This hurts her and the rest of you too. Maybe if you make her live without you she will refuse to seek help or be productive. That doesnt mean she cant do it. It means she wont do it. And that is her choice. There is Disability and services if she truly cant work. I explained group homes. My son has many friends with various disabilities, including some with brain damage and some with sevete mental illness (but they comply with treatment). They all have jobs. The Dept. Of Workforce Development will find you a job if you are disabled. She can find a life outside of you. Or not. Its up to her. And you and your family need space from her chaos too. And she needs space from your constant presence and pity and unfounded guilt. As adults we all need to learn how to move on from bad experiences, including you and your daughter. Many of us got very good support in therapy. Why not you? Love and light! [/QUOTE]
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How to choose between two children-help me please
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