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<blockquote data-quote="rejectedmom" data-source="post: 114605" data-attributes="member: 2315"><p>People with problems who feel they have let someone close to them down are not comfortable living with that person. They want a clean slate and they cannot have it with the very people that care about them the most. Even if you had given your difficult child the option of living with you, he might have chosen not to. It isn't that you aren't a good person nor is it that you didn't always have his best intrest at heart. It is about what he feels comfortable with that will bring him the most success. He has been offered a job a living arrangement and abuse counciling. Was it offered for competive reasons on you ex's part? who knows and really that has little relevance when it comes to you son's recovery. </p><p></p><p>Even though I have been accused of abandoning my son and have been critised openly by some,I have turned my son over to a group home and a rehabilitation program. It is not ideal but then what is? He is living in a horrible neighborhood. His housemates are people with a history of addictions and/or mental illness and/or mental retardation but my difficult child is doing fairly well. He has 24 hour support, he has rules and structure and medical and psyciatric care. He also has more freedom than I think he should. But the situation works on many levels and the very best thing is that I no longer feel that I have to be my son's parole officer, police officer, therapist etc. I am now free to just love him and be his mom.</p><p></p><p> It is hard to let go. It is really hard to give up managing a problem when it isn't yet fixed... but when you do let go and you learn to accept alternatives and you learn that there are more than one solution to any given problem, you also learn a whole different way of living. When you apply that to life with a difficult child some nice things can happen. You learn to trully enjoy not being a part of their chaous and not worry over it constantly. You learn to enjoy whatever good times you have with them while you can have them. You learn to live your own life and not be consumed with theirs. It can be very healing. So, while this may not be an ideal situation in your opinion, it may be a good one. At any rate you must accept that it is not your choice to make. Try to focus on the positives and try to learn another way of relating to you son. The fact that your son may give this plan a try isn't about you. It's about the options he was given and what he thinks he can handle. -RM</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="rejectedmom, post: 114605, member: 2315"] People with problems who feel they have let someone close to them down are not comfortable living with that person. They want a clean slate and they cannot have it with the very people that care about them the most. Even if you had given your difficult child the option of living with you, he might have chosen not to. It isn't that you aren't a good person nor is it that you didn't always have his best intrest at heart. It is about what he feels comfortable with that will bring him the most success. He has been offered a job a living arrangement and abuse counciling. Was it offered for competive reasons on you ex's part? who knows and really that has little relevance when it comes to you son's recovery. Even though I have been accused of abandoning my son and have been critised openly by some,I have turned my son over to a group home and a rehabilitation program. It is not ideal but then what is? He is living in a horrible neighborhood. His housemates are people with a history of addictions and/or mental illness and/or mental retardation but my difficult child is doing fairly well. He has 24 hour support, he has rules and structure and medical and psyciatric care. He also has more freedom than I think he should. But the situation works on many levels and the very best thing is that I no longer feel that I have to be my son's parole officer, police officer, therapist etc. I am now free to just love him and be his mom. It is hard to let go. It is really hard to give up managing a problem when it isn't yet fixed... but when you do let go and you learn to accept alternatives and you learn that there are more than one solution to any given problem, you also learn a whole different way of living. When you apply that to life with a difficult child some nice things can happen. You learn to trully enjoy not being a part of their chaous and not worry over it constantly. You learn to enjoy whatever good times you have with them while you can have them. You learn to live your own life and not be consumed with theirs. It can be very healing. So, while this may not be an ideal situation in your opinion, it may be a good one. At any rate you must accept that it is not your choice to make. Try to focus on the positives and try to learn another way of relating to you son. The fact that your son may give this plan a try isn't about you. It's about the options he was given and what he thinks he can handle. -RM [/QUOTE]
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