My other posts asked how to prepare for difficult child to come out of treatment... I understand that he needs to ask for support and that I shouldn't offer him to come here. And trust me, I am not looking for him to come here and to be honest am selfishly and not wanting to deal with it at that level. Wishing a miracle place comes to him But now I found out that his father's wife is all up into my difficult child's life. Background is he went there at 17 when we kicked him out because he was smoking weed and breaking rules. This was after we helped him get into a private school because he got expelled for weed. He did great for a while, but when we saw him getting into the bad stuff again, we had to kick him out. It was a strain on my marriage and my daughter then 8. So after he wore out his welcome at all his friends, he went to live with his father. There he quit school altogther in 12th grade with 2 classes left, he found new friends and got into worse trouble. He had the freedom to do as he wanted, just what he didnt have here. They had no rules and look what happend! He moved in with a girl and acted like it was all good. When they broke up, he stayed with these new friends- BAD. Met his now girlfriend, moved in with her and had a baby. He was still trying to put on a great little life, till the girlfriend filled me right before this arrest and treatment. I saw it all coming but had NO idea he was using hard drugs! Ok, so now girlfriend tells me that his father's wife called her and told her she made a call to someone her brother knows that is recovered and holds meeting in THEIR town. She said this guy is willing to sponser my difficult child, get him to meetings and give him a job at his company!! I am so mad I could scream! SHe and his father have NEVER worked with me, only behind my back. I have tried for 23 years to work with them, and always get no where. (I broke up with his father (never married YAY!) when I was 18 and difficult child was 3 months old, difficult child never knew us as a couple and didn't go through any bad time, he just always had us seperatly.) When his father took him in, we told him what my son was up to here and that he needed to watch out for drug use and all that. Asked him to call us and tell us what is going on. That was 6 years ago, never heard from him again. I actually put my bad feelings aside a month before this happened, when I first heard of difficult child getting into trouble. I decided I would do what is best for my difficult child and try again to work with his father to be on the same page and all that. I got the wife who said "he is sleeping" ummm I was thinking... I havent called in 6 years, ya think it might be important that I am calling??? Anyway, asked him to call me back. No call for 4 days. Called again and got the machine and left a message. No call back ever. Gave up. Now this! She is going to mess up my son's recovery by enabling him! Giving him a sponser??? What is she thinking? He needs to do all these things for himself. Ya give him the number as an option, but who is she to hand him a sponser, job and all that! And girlfriend said they are willing to take him in again too. Great, they have seperate bedrooms and aren't even a couple, they fight too (per girlfriend and difficult child) Also it is a tiny place with 2 other kids and people in and out all the time. It isn't a positive place for him. They have always tried to be his pal and never a parent figure. When I was buying him clothes and shoes, they were buying him a playground for their place. I am afraid my difficult child will take them up on it for 2 reasons, 1. he is weak and scared and unsure what to do, this is an easy way out of dealing with it himself. 2. They are closer to the baby and his main concern is seeing the baby EVERY DAY! He is unaware that he can't handle to see girlfriend and the baby everyday. He is unaware that he needs to put time into getting better, probation (I assume) meetings, school and work before he can function in a normal life pattern. So what do I do? Do I tell him honestly what I think if he does decide to go there and be handed everything, that I dont feel it is best for him? Or do I let it happen and find him in jail next or worse? There is no way he can recover under those circumstances, no way! I am learning what is enabling and what is helping. Being very aware of my words and actions. But this is gotten me all frustrated. I feel like !!