healinginside
Member
I'm scared to type these words: my son has been arrested and is in jail.
I'm on a roller coaster ride of emotions. One minute I'm stoic, the next I'm falling apart. We are saying that we knew this was coming for a long time and then in disbelief that this is our reality.
I think around the time I posted last my son was in rehab last year. I was hopeful. By the end of 2023, I had a new mantra, "Never be hopeful".
He ended up going to three different rehabs. He would start off strong, but it wouldn't take long until he wanted to leave. It became clear in the rehabs that there are mental issues, not just drug abuse and we did our best to address that....he would fight taking medication and I would end up having to basically beg him to stick with the program. He finally overdosed in October but survived. I was left broken and angry and feeling guilty for being angry.
He then went to stay with a new girlfriend in another state and has been there since October. Things went badly and the police were called. He is in jail in another state on DV charges and I think assault on a police officer and resisting arrest. I don't think he will get bond bc he has no place to stay in this other state and won't be able to stay with the girlfriend bc of the DV charges. The hearing is this morning.
I'm in the new world of "collect call from inmate....."
I'm in a nightmare. I was basically trying to have as little contact as possible with him before this and now I'm his lifeline. He wanted me to come there (its five hours away)....I said no. He is going to want money.....I've given him everything I can at this point. I can maybe give him dribs and drabs, but I CANNOT pay thousands for an attorney or a large bond or anything like that. I just can't. I gave him everything that I could over the past 2-3 years trying to "save" him.
He has had literally 1000 chances. Everyone in this world has given this kid a chance. I'm shocked he has avoided jail up until now.
It started with marijuana use, then escalated. He had a bright promising future - captain of the track team, college, trip to Europe, beautiful girlfriends...then he just got caught up in "get rich quick" and then stopped working, wouldn't get a job, and then the mentail health issues blossomed. I never understood or could understand why he couldn't just get a regular job, doing anything.....he seemed like he would rather be homeless....again, still can't believe I'm tyiping these words.
One thing I always hear on this board from those who have children in jail - I'm scared for when he gets out. He can be violent. We are no match for him. I'm scared he will hurt us bc I can't bail him out or pay for an attorney.
When we kicked him out, he was able to manipulate our neighbor about 6 houses down to stay there for several months. Every day he would harass me to let him in the house, he broke a new storm back door getting in and once climbed through a window when my husband was here working from home. The experience left us with PTSD....not feeling safe in our own home and when he left in Oct it took us several months to just "relax" again. It has been heaven not having him nearby. Now he is intent on getting out of jail and getting back to his home state even though he has no place to stay here.
He has burned all bridges. He is a bridge flame thrower.
My husband (his step dad) says, "He has two hots and a cot". We have told no one. I haven't even told his real Dad bc he can't be trusted.
In the past few months, my husband has been diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder that affects balance and walking. This week he is having IVIG intravaneous treatments and we are lucky enough to have a nurse coming to the house to administer them. They can have side effects but he is tolerating them well. He is my number one priority right now.
My daughter is a senior and is choosing a college. We have an accepted students day coming up. I can barely function.
Im going to call my doctor this morning....I have to see him about my cholesterol prescription and I'm going to ask him if he can give me something for acute anxiety. He lost his own son to addiction last year.
Does anyone have any advice? This mama tried to save a drowning man and has been pulled under. I need a lifeline.
I'm on a roller coaster ride of emotions. One minute I'm stoic, the next I'm falling apart. We are saying that we knew this was coming for a long time and then in disbelief that this is our reality.
I think around the time I posted last my son was in rehab last year. I was hopeful. By the end of 2023, I had a new mantra, "Never be hopeful".
He ended up going to three different rehabs. He would start off strong, but it wouldn't take long until he wanted to leave. It became clear in the rehabs that there are mental issues, not just drug abuse and we did our best to address that....he would fight taking medication and I would end up having to basically beg him to stick with the program. He finally overdosed in October but survived. I was left broken and angry and feeling guilty for being angry.
He then went to stay with a new girlfriend in another state and has been there since October. Things went badly and the police were called. He is in jail in another state on DV charges and I think assault on a police officer and resisting arrest. I don't think he will get bond bc he has no place to stay in this other state and won't be able to stay with the girlfriend bc of the DV charges. The hearing is this morning.
I'm in the new world of "collect call from inmate....."
I'm in a nightmare. I was basically trying to have as little contact as possible with him before this and now I'm his lifeline. He wanted me to come there (its five hours away)....I said no. He is going to want money.....I've given him everything I can at this point. I can maybe give him dribs and drabs, but I CANNOT pay thousands for an attorney or a large bond or anything like that. I just can't. I gave him everything that I could over the past 2-3 years trying to "save" him.
He has had literally 1000 chances. Everyone in this world has given this kid a chance. I'm shocked he has avoided jail up until now.
It started with marijuana use, then escalated. He had a bright promising future - captain of the track team, college, trip to Europe, beautiful girlfriends...then he just got caught up in "get rich quick" and then stopped working, wouldn't get a job, and then the mentail health issues blossomed. I never understood or could understand why he couldn't just get a regular job, doing anything.....he seemed like he would rather be homeless....again, still can't believe I'm tyiping these words.
One thing I always hear on this board from those who have children in jail - I'm scared for when he gets out. He can be violent. We are no match for him. I'm scared he will hurt us bc I can't bail him out or pay for an attorney.
When we kicked him out, he was able to manipulate our neighbor about 6 houses down to stay there for several months. Every day he would harass me to let him in the house, he broke a new storm back door getting in and once climbed through a window when my husband was here working from home. The experience left us with PTSD....not feeling safe in our own home and when he left in Oct it took us several months to just "relax" again. It has been heaven not having him nearby. Now he is intent on getting out of jail and getting back to his home state even though he has no place to stay here.
He has burned all bridges. He is a bridge flame thrower.
My husband (his step dad) says, "He has two hots and a cot". We have told no one. I haven't even told his real Dad bc he can't be trusted.
In the past few months, my husband has been diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder that affects balance and walking. This week he is having IVIG intravaneous treatments and we are lucky enough to have a nurse coming to the house to administer them. They can have side effects but he is tolerating them well. He is my number one priority right now.
My daughter is a senior and is choosing a college. We have an accepted students day coming up. I can barely function.
Im going to call my doctor this morning....I have to see him about my cholesterol prescription and I'm going to ask him if he can give me something for acute anxiety. He lost his own son to addiction last year.
Does anyone have any advice? This mama tried to save a drowning man and has been pulled under. I need a lifeline.