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how to deal with other family members that enable
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 117231" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I would definitely focus on granddaughter. In fact, if it were me, I'd be trying to get custody as this girl sounds very unfit. But don't expect her or anyone to fix your son. That's where you are in my opinion wasting too much emotion. girlfriend can't fix him. Dad can't fix him. And you and your hub can't fix him or even help him. Your "reality" talk isn't going to be the lightbulb that goes off in his head. He has to be highly motivated to help himself and, although you and I have trouble understanding it, his baby hasn't been enough to keep him straight. You care more about the baby than either him or his girlfriend. I'd spend all my positive, motivated emotion on getting help for that baby and let son deal with things himself because, as all of us have told you, you can't do anything to help him. He doesn't want your help and isn't accepting your help and nagging grown adult kids doesn't work--and I'm not sure they even listen to our "reality" checks. Maybe for a second until they sniff drugs again. If he is going to get well it is going to be without you, your hub, his father or his girlfriend. He will do it himself and seek out his own help, if he wants it. </p><p>The baby is the one I feel sorry for in this. I don't feel girlfriend is a fit mother and your son is not a fit father. The baby deserves better parents. I have little pity for adult kids who mess up, including my own adult kids who mess up. By age 20, they need to get their acts together and will only do that if they want to.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 117231, member: 1550"] I would definitely focus on granddaughter. In fact, if it were me, I'd be trying to get custody as this girl sounds very unfit. But don't expect her or anyone to fix your son. That's where you are in my opinion wasting too much emotion. girlfriend can't fix him. Dad can't fix him. And you and your hub can't fix him or even help him. Your "reality" talk isn't going to be the lightbulb that goes off in his head. He has to be highly motivated to help himself and, although you and I have trouble understanding it, his baby hasn't been enough to keep him straight. You care more about the baby than either him or his girlfriend. I'd spend all my positive, motivated emotion on getting help for that baby and let son deal with things himself because, as all of us have told you, you can't do anything to help him. He doesn't want your help and isn't accepting your help and nagging grown adult kids doesn't work--and I'm not sure they even listen to our "reality" checks. Maybe for a second until they sniff drugs again. If he is going to get well it is going to be without you, your hub, his father or his girlfriend. He will do it himself and seek out his own help, if he wants it. The baby is the one I feel sorry for in this. I don't feel girlfriend is a fit mother and your son is not a fit father. The baby deserves better parents. I have little pity for adult kids who mess up, including my own adult kids who mess up. By age 20, they need to get their acts together and will only do that if they want to. [/QUOTE]
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