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How to detach when grandkids are involved.
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 616811" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Hi :O)</p><p></p><p>We are in the same position in a way, End. Our grandchildren range in age from 5 to 21. There were times when they lived with us, times when I lived with them. My husband and I are retired, but the money flies out of here like nobody's business. We are learning too, End. It is so hard to know the right thing to do when your children are continually picking a wrong way to go. </p><p></p><p>Along our own path, there have been two times when I found myself homeschooling two grands because the school refused to take them without my being the legal guardian. Total surprise but do you know, I managed to do that adequately. We've bought the clothing and etc...but when we started doing that, started paying for dance or gymnastic lessons...the behaviors of our adult kids seemed to escalate. It's as though they resent anything we do that isn't directly for them. </p><p></p><p>There sometimes isn't any way to know what to expect. </p><p></p><p>All we can do for our grands is love them, and do what is there in front of us to do for them.</p><p></p><p>Regarding our troubled adult kids, we learn something, here on the site, called detachment. This is a way to see the situation more clearly and sometimes, even to help our kids meet their own potentials, instead of wallowing around blaming someone else for their predicaments. Sometimes, that doesn't happen. For those times and those kids, detachment is lifesaving for us, for the parents and grandparents.</p><p></p><p>So, that will be something that will help, as you learn it.</p><p></p><p>I don't know how to advise you for your particular situation. What I do know End, is that as you read along, as you post more as the days go by and new things come up, you will be able to see for yourselves what your best options are. One of the most valuable things about this site (other than its safety and anonymity) is that there are so many of us in the same positions. Once we come together here, we can share the pain and confusion and anger, we can learn techniques to help us determine what the right thing is.</p><p></p><p>A warm welcome, End. I am happy you found the site. It truly is a soft place to land for us.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 616811, member: 17461"] Hi :O) We are in the same position in a way, End. Our grandchildren range in age from 5 to 21. There were times when they lived with us, times when I lived with them. My husband and I are retired, but the money flies out of here like nobody's business. We are learning too, End. It is so hard to know the right thing to do when your children are continually picking a wrong way to go. Along our own path, there have been two times when I found myself homeschooling two grands because the school refused to take them without my being the legal guardian. Total surprise but do you know, I managed to do that adequately. We've bought the clothing and etc...but when we started doing that, started paying for dance or gymnastic lessons...the behaviors of our adult kids seemed to escalate. It's as though they resent anything we do that isn't directly for them. There sometimes isn't any way to know what to expect. All we can do for our grands is love them, and do what is there in front of us to do for them. Regarding our troubled adult kids, we learn something, here on the site, called detachment. This is a way to see the situation more clearly and sometimes, even to help our kids meet their own potentials, instead of wallowing around blaming someone else for their predicaments. Sometimes, that doesn't happen. For those times and those kids, detachment is lifesaving for us, for the parents and grandparents. So, that will be something that will help, as you learn it. I don't know how to advise you for your particular situation. What I do know End, is that as you read along, as you post more as the days go by and new things come up, you will be able to see for yourselves what your best options are. One of the most valuable things about this site (other than its safety and anonymity) is that there are so many of us in the same positions. Once we come together here, we can share the pain and confusion and anger, we can learn techniques to help us determine what the right thing is. A warm welcome, End. I am happy you found the site. It truly is a soft place to land for us. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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