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How to detach when grandkids are involved.
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<blockquote data-quote="Nomad" data-source="post: 616893" data-attributes="member: 4152"><p>I'm so sorry. We adopted an infant that ended up having th bipolar diagnosis, as well as some health concerns. At some point, we realized that she can not work. So we helped her get on disability. If you honestly believe your daughter can not work full time, this is something to put in the back of your mind. She can work part time and supplement the SSI income. However, if she really can work, then training is best. I would NOT put up with stealing and I would make it crystal clear to her that if she steals again you will immediately call the police and file charges. Perhaps a consult with an attorney on what rights you might have to the grandchildren is in order, especially if she is arrested. Of course you have to keep all your finances/computers, etc. under lock and key, but living wit this fear is NO way to live. I'm sorry if this sounds contradictory, but I have a friend that basically adopted some of her grand kids, and it was a very negative experience financially and emotionally and both herself and husband have high paying jobs. She eventually had to let her grown children have their kids back for summers, even longer at times, because the burdens were too hard for her and making this rough decision was just that ROUGH. But, any help you provide those g-kids, is good for them and you should feel good about it, but it might have to be limited. Please, don't let your daughter steal from you ever again. Consider therapy, at least short term, for you and your spouse due to this difficult situation. And if you can find low cost therapy for her...maybe go for that too....even consider making it part of her arrangement to stay at your place.</p><p>PS I am conflicted about the term "gift from Gxd"....believe me...but in a tiny way I understand. We have learned a lot, and I ended up with an actual MS Degree in a related field. But, my health has worsened, it hurt us financially and at times strained my marriage...oh, and we had periods of times we were a bit ostracized by the community. I will never fully understand it all. I think we are all grateful when we can help another person...there were many years my spouse and I felt very alone in all of this. It's been very hard, but I am grateful that things are a bit better now. Still rough days, but overall better. Have faith and educate yourself on detachment, entitlement, mental illness and seek some help from those with experience as well as professional counselors.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nomad, post: 616893, member: 4152"] I'm so sorry. We adopted an infant that ended up having th bipolar diagnosis, as well as some health concerns. At some point, we realized that she can not work. So we helped her get on disability. If you honestly believe your daughter can not work full time, this is something to put in the back of your mind. She can work part time and supplement the SSI income. However, if she really can work, then training is best. I would NOT put up with stealing and I would make it crystal clear to her that if she steals again you will immediately call the police and file charges. Perhaps a consult with an attorney on what rights you might have to the grandchildren is in order, especially if she is arrested. Of course you have to keep all your finances/computers, etc. under lock and key, but living wit this fear is NO way to live. I'm sorry if this sounds contradictory, but I have a friend that basically adopted some of her grand kids, and it was a very negative experience financially and emotionally and both herself and husband have high paying jobs. She eventually had to let her grown children have their kids back for summers, even longer at times, because the burdens were too hard for her and making this rough decision was just that ROUGH. But, any help you provide those g-kids, is good for them and you should feel good about it, but it might have to be limited. Please, don't let your daughter steal from you ever again. Consider therapy, at least short term, for you and your spouse due to this difficult situation. And if you can find low cost therapy for her...maybe go for that too....even consider making it part of her arrangement to stay at your place. PS I am conflicted about the term "gift from Gxd"....believe me...but in a tiny way I understand. We have learned a lot, and I ended up with an actual MS Degree in a related field. But, my health has worsened, it hurt us financially and at times strained my marriage...oh, and we had periods of times we were a bit ostracized by the community. I will never fully understand it all. I think we are all grateful when we can help another person...there were many years my spouse and I felt very alone in all of this. It's been very hard, but I am grateful that things are a bit better now. Still rough days, but overall better. Have faith and educate yourself on detachment, entitlement, mental illness and seek some help from those with experience as well as professional counselors. [/QUOTE]
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