Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
How to detach when grandkids are involved.
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 632696" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Guide Me: This is my opinion.</p><p></p><p>A parent should not pay for a grown child's housing. She should do it or sign up for subsidized housing or go to a shelter a nd follow the rules. Past medical problems are no excuse for stealing, abusing you, lying, refusing to work, etc. If she can't work, there is disability. There are rooms you can rent in private homes for as little as $300 month. It is not our role to be financially supporting our grown children forever. If this was a sweet young woman who had cancer and wanted to get better so she could be more independent, that is one thing. This is a nearly middle age woman who is currently not ill, but simply abusing her parents.</p><p></p><p>I've often said some people make the decision to care for their 60 year old abusive children when they are 80 and nobody can stop them from giving up their entire life trying to save an adult child who refuses the help. But the majority on this forum have not taken that route, feeling that it is best for both ourselves and our grown children to live separate lives and not destroy our own for theirs. Most of the time, taking care of them doesn't work anyway and two lives are ruined rather than only one.</p><p></p><p>Our difficult children are children who never grew up. It doesn't matter why they never grew up. They desperately need to grow up or they are going to really be in for it when we are gone. And, of course, WE matter as well and we should not feel responsible for 30, 40, 50, 60 year old "children" who refuse to act older than ten. Often when we have paid for their apartments or hotels, they have trashed them, left them, and gotten us into even more financial trouble. Most of the time our difficult children plain don't want to work. They want us to work and support them for as long as they can manipulate us to do it.</p><p></p><p>So I would disagree that it is a good idea to pay for this woman's needs when she could get assistance and probably is capable of working. If not, a lot of people on Disability still live independently.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 632696, member: 1550"] Guide Me: This is my opinion. A parent should not pay for a grown child's housing. She should do it or sign up for subsidized housing or go to a shelter a nd follow the rules. Past medical problems are no excuse for stealing, abusing you, lying, refusing to work, etc. If she can't work, there is disability. There are rooms you can rent in private homes for as little as $300 month. It is not our role to be financially supporting our grown children forever. If this was a sweet young woman who had cancer and wanted to get better so she could be more independent, that is one thing. This is a nearly middle age woman who is currently not ill, but simply abusing her parents. I've often said some people make the decision to care for their 60 year old abusive children when they are 80 and nobody can stop them from giving up their entire life trying to save an adult child who refuses the help. But the majority on this forum have not taken that route, feeling that it is best for both ourselves and our grown children to live separate lives and not destroy our own for theirs. Most of the time, taking care of them doesn't work anyway and two lives are ruined rather than only one. Our difficult children are children who never grew up. It doesn't matter why they never grew up. They desperately need to grow up or they are going to really be in for it when we are gone. And, of course, WE matter as well and we should not feel responsible for 30, 40, 50, 60 year old "children" who refuse to act older than ten. Often when we have paid for their apartments or hotels, they have trashed them, left them, and gotten us into even more financial trouble. Most of the time our difficult children plain don't want to work. They want us to work and support them for as long as they can manipulate us to do it. So I would disagree that it is a good idea to pay for this woman's needs when she could get assistance and probably is capable of working. If not, a lot of people on Disability still live independently. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
How to detach when grandkids are involved.
Top