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How to detach when grandkids are involved.
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<blockquote data-quote="End of our rope" data-source="post: 643003" data-attributes="member: 17544"><p>It has been a while since I have been here but my difficult child continues to discover new ways to make our life a constant crisis. </p><p>First let me say that we have found a great Al-Anon group which has helped us discover new ways to cope with this torment. An incredible group of parents all gathered for the same reason and all have all too similar stories. The group concentrates on the first three steps but have recently expanded to all of the steps.</p><p> </p><p>We are of course somewhat different in that our difficult child and our perfect grandchildren live with us. We are reminded every day and every hour of our personal hell. Don't ask me what step I am on as I would say that just getting past the first step is hard enough. Are we better? Well that is a yes and no answer. Some days yes and like today no. We have not seen or heard from her for over 24 hours and of course our grandkids are getting nervous. She has found yet another new boyfriend and we expect she is shacked up with him somewhere. </p><p>We have learned to react differently to her. We concentrate on the kids and always ask ourselves are we enabling? Because of the kids there are times when small allowances have to be made but no more big bailouts. We know she knows her way to jail so if that is where she ends up well that is her decision. </p><p></p><p>The holidays have of course been tough for us. Moments of joy and hours of grief. One of our new friends reminds me that my business ends at the end of my nose. Well that is a great quote but reality is that what she does and does not do impacts us everyday. Does she show up, does she have a job, can we count on her to take care of her kids? All of these things are added pressures to our own personal challenges.</p><p> </p><p>One of my biggest challenges is the differences in how my wife and I react to the crazy. She is all ice and I am all fire. I remember every lie, every theft, every betrayal. She tells me that I have to let those go. I am sure I do but it is not my nature to do so. I am a problem solver by nature and by profession. The same way I analyze data I analyze every action she takes because they almost always add up to her next meltdown. Can I fix her? The answer is easy NO. The tensions between my wife and I are increasing and I am worried where that will go. You know when I look at the profiles on this site so many are divorced and separated. The same thing exists in our Al-Anon group. We are at different places right now for the first time in our 38 years of marriage and it is all because of our difficult child. </p><p></p><p>I have no hope for 2015 right now but I will wish all of you a Happy New Year!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="End of our rope, post: 643003, member: 17544"] It has been a while since I have been here but my difficult child continues to discover new ways to make our life a constant crisis. First let me say that we have found a great Al-Anon group which has helped us discover new ways to cope with this torment. An incredible group of parents all gathered for the same reason and all have all too similar stories. The group concentrates on the first three steps but have recently expanded to all of the steps. We are of course somewhat different in that our difficult child and our perfect grandchildren live with us. We are reminded every day and every hour of our personal hell. Don't ask me what step I am on as I would say that just getting past the first step is hard enough. Are we better? Well that is a yes and no answer. Some days yes and like today no. We have not seen or heard from her for over 24 hours and of course our grandkids are getting nervous. She has found yet another new boyfriend and we expect she is shacked up with him somewhere. We have learned to react differently to her. We concentrate on the kids and always ask ourselves are we enabling? Because of the kids there are times when small allowances have to be made but no more big bailouts. We know she knows her way to jail so if that is where she ends up well that is her decision. The holidays have of course been tough for us. Moments of joy and hours of grief. One of our new friends reminds me that my business ends at the end of my nose. Well that is a great quote but reality is that what she does and does not do impacts us everyday. Does she show up, does she have a job, can we count on her to take care of her kids? All of these things are added pressures to our own personal challenges. One of my biggest challenges is the differences in how my wife and I react to the crazy. She is all ice and I am all fire. I remember every lie, every theft, every betrayal. She tells me that I have to let those go. I am sure I do but it is not my nature to do so. I am a problem solver by nature and by profession. The same way I analyze data I analyze every action she takes because they almost always add up to her next meltdown. Can I fix her? The answer is easy NO. The tensions between my wife and I are increasing and I am worried where that will go. You know when I look at the profiles on this site so many are divorced and separated. The same thing exists in our Al-Anon group. We are at different places right now for the first time in our 38 years of marriage and it is all because of our difficult child. I have no hope for 2015 right now but I will wish all of you a Happy New Year! [/QUOTE]
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