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Parent Emeritus
How to detach when grandkids are involved.
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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 643032" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>It's never easy to deal with any of the fallout from our difficult child's and with her living in your home compounds everything for you. The fact you have two grandchildren in the mix only complicates things. What a blessing that your grandchildren have you and your wife as I'm sure you offer them stability that their mother would not be able to.</p><p></p><p>I know how stressful dealing with a difficult child can be on a marriage. My husband and I had some heated arguments over the years as we didn't always see eye to eye on how to deal with our difficult child. In my case husband is the adoptive parent, my difficult child bio-father dropped out of the picture when he was 4. In dealing with our difficult child I was the one who got fed up first. Each time he would end up in jail and would want us to put money on his account I was the one who got to the point of enough is enough. It was ok the first couple of times he was in jail but then it became clear to me that he was doing nothing to try and stay out of trouble so I was done giving him money while locked up. My husband on the other hand was soft hearted and felt sorry for him and this led to those dreaded heated discussions.</p><p></p><p>husband and I were able to work through our differences. It was not always easy and we relied on our faith in God to help us.</p><p></p><p>You have to ask yourself what would happen if your marriage did not survive. What would happen to your grandchildren? Would your wife still allow difficult child to live with her?</p><p></p><p>Is it possible that your difficult child would give up custody of the kids to you and your wife?</p><p></p><p>I do hope you will be able to work through this and have your marriage be in tact. It might be very helpful to seek out a marriage counselor or if you attend church your pastor.</p><p></p><p>I wish you well in the days ahead.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 643032, member: 18516"] It's never easy to deal with any of the fallout from our difficult child's and with her living in your home compounds everything for you. The fact you have two grandchildren in the mix only complicates things. What a blessing that your grandchildren have you and your wife as I'm sure you offer them stability that their mother would not be able to. I know how stressful dealing with a difficult child can be on a marriage. My husband and I had some heated arguments over the years as we didn't always see eye to eye on how to deal with our difficult child. In my case husband is the adoptive parent, my difficult child bio-father dropped out of the picture when he was 4. In dealing with our difficult child I was the one who got fed up first. Each time he would end up in jail and would want us to put money on his account I was the one who got to the point of enough is enough. It was ok the first couple of times he was in jail but then it became clear to me that he was doing nothing to try and stay out of trouble so I was done giving him money while locked up. My husband on the other hand was soft hearted and felt sorry for him and this led to those dreaded heated discussions. husband and I were able to work through our differences. It was not always easy and we relied on our faith in God to help us. You have to ask yourself what would happen if your marriage did not survive. What would happen to your grandchildren? Would your wife still allow difficult child to live with her? Is it possible that your difficult child would give up custody of the kids to you and your wife? I do hope you will be able to work through this and have your marriage be in tact. It might be very helpful to seek out a marriage counselor or if you attend church your pastor. I wish you well in the days ahead. [/QUOTE]
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