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General Parenting
How to get boyfriend to understand. (Long Sorry)
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 235469" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi, there <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> How well did your boyfriend know your son before he moved in?</p><p></p><p>Unfortunately (and my hub is a "step" to my older kids so we did this)--you can't force him to understand, accept, or love your son. He has to be willing to learn, accept, listen and give his heart. Perhaps he should go with you to therapy sessions and listen to the professionals. Give him books to read. See how willing he is to understand--this is so important if the two of you plan a life together. </p><p></p><p>If your boyfriend can not learn to accept your son for who he is, it may not be a good match for you. At the time my hub moved in (he lived with me two years before we married) my three kids were angry about the divorce (although it had been quite a while) and unwilling to accept a new man in their lives other than their father. My hub adapated by backing off and not becoming involved in the childrearing, something we both decided. I parented with my ex. Things got easier after that. However, my hub was willing and able to open his heart to three difficult, obstinate, unyielding kids who really didn't want him to be there--and he put up with knowing it wouldn't be easy. Is your boyfriend usually a flexible person or does he get an idea in his head and refuse to change his mind?</p><p></p><p>You know your situation best. Good luck to all of you. Perhaps family counseling is a good idea for all four of you, including his Aspie son. in my opinion it was inappropriate for him and his son to play a game that your son can't play, and boyfriend has to be willing to be sensitive to your child's needs. Actually, that's a game I wouldn't let ANY of my minor kids play!!!! Welcome <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 235469, member: 1550"] Hi, there :) How well did your boyfriend know your son before he moved in? Unfortunately (and my hub is a "step" to my older kids so we did this)--you can't force him to understand, accept, or love your son. He has to be willing to learn, accept, listen and give his heart. Perhaps he should go with you to therapy sessions and listen to the professionals. Give him books to read. See how willing he is to understand--this is so important if the two of you plan a life together. If your boyfriend can not learn to accept your son for who he is, it may not be a good match for you. At the time my hub moved in (he lived with me two years before we married) my three kids were angry about the divorce (although it had been quite a while) and unwilling to accept a new man in their lives other than their father. My hub adapated by backing off and not becoming involved in the childrearing, something we both decided. I parented with my ex. Things got easier after that. However, my hub was willing and able to open his heart to three difficult, obstinate, unyielding kids who really didn't want him to be there--and he put up with knowing it wouldn't be easy. Is your boyfriend usually a flexible person or does he get an idea in his head and refuse to change his mind? You know your situation best. Good luck to all of you. Perhaps family counseling is a good idea for all four of you, including his Aspie son. in my opinion it was inappropriate for him and his son to play a game that your son can't play, and boyfriend has to be willing to be sensitive to your child's needs. Actually, that's a game I wouldn't let ANY of my minor kids play!!!! Welcome ;) [/QUOTE]
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