I can totally relate to how you feel because my difficult child needed me to come up all the time and see him when he was in the 45 day rehab. I think it's being among people you don't really know and the need for family or any familiar face etc. I felt it was important to do because it was good for his progress and he needed my support. He calls me daily even now that he's living in the soberhouse only 20 minutes away and totally needs my input on every move he makes, which sometimes I wish he didn't, but then again if he didn't I'd probably feel left out :smile:Besides the point that he doesn't listen to half of what I tell him anyway, but what can you do???
Anyway, when he has the chance to come home and I have this picture perfect time of us all spending family time together and he takes off and hangs out with wingnut instead (most people on this board know who wingnut is, so if you are unsure, just ask me) anyway, I do have to admit my feelings are a little hurt.
I also have a 17 year old easy child daughter who lately chooses to spend all her time at her bestfriends house, where I now realize there is also a boyfriend involved, and I allow myself to start feeling a little hurt over that due to the fact that she used to spend so much time at home, but then I have to think about how much time I really spent with my parents when I reached this age. I have to admit it wasn't much.
All in all I think it's pretty normal. Thank back to your teenage years. Were you sitting home with your parents or out hanging with your friends?? I know where I was and it didn't mean I loved or needed my parents any less, it was just the age and the normal thing to be doing. I wasn't a drug addict, nor was I a easy child, but I was just a normal teenager who enjoyed hanging with my peers. I think it's just more difficult when we have difficult child's because we realize who their peers are and know they are not who they should be hanging with.
I'm proud of your difficult child for not partaking in the partying and walking away. Hopefully it wasn't just because he knew he would be tested and didn't have a choice, but that it in fact was a life choice he made. It is extremely difficult at that age to change friends. I don't know what I would have done at that age if my parents ever forbid me to hang out with any of my friends and told me I needed to find new ones. As easy as this seems for us to say, when I think about it, I know it wasn't a choice I would have easily made.
People have said to me that I'm lucky my difficult child is young and has many years ahead of him to pull through this, but when I think back to that age, I often wonder if it isn't harder then going through this when you are older and the peer pressure isn't as strong. If you are a drug addict or an alcoholic and you are married and have a family, usually yor family chooses to support you and you don't really need to find new friends, just support in those around you. When you are younger, it's not as easy to just go out and find new friends.
Does that make sense??
Sorry this is so long. Your questions just gave me a lot to think about. I think you need to support him while he's away, but I don't know if I would be running up there every single weekend. You can be just as supportive through phone calls, cards, letters and maybe stretching it out to every other weekend.
