My difficult child's have never been to Residential Treatment Center (RTC) so I can't really offer much except support and a "sunny" listening ear :grin:
Please take what I say with a grain of salt as I'm only thinking of what I've been through with my difficult child's.
You mention that difficult child likes you all to visit or get a home pass rather than earn the other fun stuff like ballgames etc. Isn't earning the fun stuff part of "working" the program? Is there some avoidance going on here? I know home passes are rewards, but urging/nudging him to work the program will/should help with independent thinking, learning to change behavior, learning how to deal with situations, and consequences for actions.
Don't get me wrong, but somehow I get the impression that difficult child is still running the show. He wants you all to come see him--you do, he wants to see his friends--he does, he can talk with you often, it seems like its he, he, he rather than you, you, you.
Don't get me wrong, I APPLAUD difficult child for not smoking with friends, but I also know he knows he will get tested when he goes back. It's pretty easy to stop and manipulate the situation when you know the consequence is staring at you when you return.
At this point, you don't have much time left (age wise) until he reaches 18. Our role changes after 18 to more of guidance rather than enforcer. Being with friends is perfectly normal and developmentally appropriate. So is planning for one's future, learning and accepting responsibility, curfew, disappointment, and learning to be independent. Manipulation and "spinning" the explanation so it suits his needs is sort of what got him where he is and what needs to be changed.
What if you go up every other weekend or even you go up one weekend and he comes back one weekend. Your family is still intact and the message that's being sent is that's it's a family...not just an individual.
Just more food for thought /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/11-24g.gif
