Well, after speaking with the program coordinator this afternoon, it appears that our son has bought into the program for the most part. Sure, he may be simply talking the talk and, whether or not he's going to walk the walk is another story. But, as I said, during his first visit home, he had the opportunity to smoke pot, but he chose to walk away. I confirmed his negative drug test upon his return to the house with the program coordinator this evening. I KNOW this is probably mostly because he knew he'd be tested rather than about any "lightbulb moment," but I'm going to give him him kudos for resisting, whatever the reason. This had to be HARD, although he said it wasn't.
Sunny, he actually has earned his fun times with the group by participating in the required activites. In fact, on the chart they post in his house, out of ten boys, he's had the highest scores most days as far as participation in the various house activities. Also, he was one of only about three or four residents from the programs' five houses who was able to come home for Thanksgiving.
The program director told me that he's doing just fine, BUT he would like to see him more involved in the group activities, despite the fact that he has earned those visits with us. He said that at least some of what they plan for the weekends is community-service-oriented. He feels that it would be best for our son if we allow him to come home every other weekend, IF he keeps his status, and generally allow him to stay there on alternate weekends so as to participate in those group activities. We agree.
But, while we feel that this is a good thing for our son, it is SO hard to give up our roles in the decision making. But, as Suz said, he's NOT a easy child, and the situation we find ourselves in is not a typical one--he is where he is because of his bad choices, and we have to keep accepting that what we were doing at home wasn't working. Thus, we have to believe that he is where he's meant to be at this time in his life, and we have to accept the fact that we must defer to the program director in terms of what he, as a professional, feels is best for our son. PLUS, so far, we have no reason to have anything but admiration for this man's judgement. Not that it would matter if we didn't...
