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How to help suicidal son who's 2 states away
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<blockquote data-quote="WaveringFaith" data-source="post: 635157" data-attributes="member: 17636"><p>Thank you all so much for your loving words and for the support and advice. I always feel better after I hear I am not alone. My text conversation with difficult child continued until late in the night and I finally had to tell him I needed to get to bed, when he continued on with his words of hopelessness. I offered to help in any way, even telling him to move back here and we can find somewhere for him to live, if he doesn't want to stay with me or my parents again. He replied "No thanks". And so I left it at that.</p><p></p><p>COM- I had the same concerns and thoughts to call the police, but I honestly have no idea of the address where he is staying and it is in the big city. I only know what he has told me, that he is staying with this family. I couldn't even tell you what part of town. Horrible isn't it? I kept on and kept on for contact numbers and addresses when he first moved out there, but he never provided to me. This is where all the frustration began, as I would never hear from him. So upsetting not to have any clue how or where your child is. But as with my daily obsessive and unhealthy morning ritual, I have logged on to his cell phone account and see he has been on his phone as of one hour ago. So he is alive, and for at least a few more hours, I can have slight peace in knowing that.</p><p></p><p>MWM- You are so correct in the possibility that he might be abusing drugs of some kind. I truly have no way of knowing yay or nay. He was not using the 2 years he was in my home (again, only to my knowledge). I only witnessed a very depressed and almost catatonic difficult child in his room playing video games all day and night.</p><p></p><p>SuZir- I realize I am helpless in doing any more for him. But I always have that nagging feeling that there is still something I could do, even from miles and miles away? I have no phone numbers or contact information for anyone he is with over there, which was obviously by difficult child's choice not to provide since my parents and I both asked repeatedly for. Last night I again offered my love and support and my assistance in finding help for him, to which he simply replied "no thanks". He claims to be schizophrenic, no therapist he met with ever diagnosed him with this, but difficult child does a lot of research on mental health websites, always trying to find out "what the eff is wrong with me" as he would say. The only diagnosis we ever got was depression. He refused any medication of any kind, refuses to ever go to another doctor or clinic again. He has no job since he said last night "schizophrenics can't hold down jobs, nor can they have relationships with other people". So I am left not even knowing how to reply to all that. Part of me wanted to help him, as much as one can help via a text conversation. But part of me was feeling so tortured by all his words and picturing him in such despair with all possible bridges burned.</p><p></p><p>So I finally had to just cut the conversation off. Unfortunately I ended up crying by eyes out and coupled with me battling the flu this week, I had to call in sick. Which was awful because I had to make phone calls to fellow coworkers to please help me and do the work I had to get done today. This is really affecting my career now. I really wanted to feel normal waking up so I could march in there and do the job they pay me to do (I'm an admin assist for a VP) and so my VP counts on me big time with his scheduling and so many other things. I know he was not pleased that I was not in. Anyway, bottom line.. difficult child is alive, I am barely hanging on emotionally, but feel like we bought another day since I see he's using his phone, but never knowing what tomorrow will bring, and now knowing his plans to leave his friend's house and go "into the woods", the anxiety and pain is overwhelming. He used to tell me he thought he was a psychopath and in a very sad and dysfunctional way I hoped it was true, because I read that psychopaths think so highly of themselves, that they would never really harm themselves. I didn't even care that he probably hated and manipulated me, just knowing he wouldn't harm himself was enough for me to smile. But now this.</p><p></p><p>I thank you for all of your support, I know I need to accept and detach - as I have known that was always the solution if I were to ever find any peace in my heart. I had to email my mom and break the sad news to her and confirm he really has gotten worse (or not better at all), so I am not looking forward to her response because she overdramatizes everything and makes me worry worse and cry more. So many lives affected and destroyed by mental illness.</p><p></p><p>I have always said I would try a local support group as suggested on this board, but never found the time or I was just plum exhausted from work and caring for my easy child, but I think, for my own sanity and well being, I need to seek one out and start attending. It's just too much to bear. I am so alone, my parents have finally begun to enjoy their retirement (they both retired a few months ago while difficult child was living with them, so they absolutely could not enjoy retirement while he was there), they are finally able to travel and enjoy each other, so I hate to burden them with these things, but as you can see, my mom still constantly worries over him. I was seeing a lovely man off and on for the past 3 years, but had to let him go because of my emotional issues with difficult child. This man has re-entered my life when difficult child moved away and we were starting to finally have a nice connection again (this was while I was pretending in my mind that difficult child was somehow improving out of state with his friends), but now that I know he's still bad off, I have begun to push the lovely man in my life away again. I just can't talk to him about it. So alone. But I have you fellow mommy warriors, so I really am not alone.</p><p></p><p>Thank you all again.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="WaveringFaith, post: 635157, member: 17636"] Thank you all so much for your loving words and for the support and advice. I always feel better after I hear I am not alone. My text conversation with difficult child continued until late in the night and I finally had to tell him I needed to get to bed, when he continued on with his words of hopelessness. I offered to help in any way, even telling him to move back here and we can find somewhere for him to live, if he doesn't want to stay with me or my parents again. He replied "No thanks". And so I left it at that. COM- I had the same concerns and thoughts to call the police, but I honestly have no idea of the address where he is staying and it is in the big city. I only know what he has told me, that he is staying with this family. I couldn't even tell you what part of town. Horrible isn't it? I kept on and kept on for contact numbers and addresses when he first moved out there, but he never provided to me. This is where all the frustration began, as I would never hear from him. So upsetting not to have any clue how or where your child is. But as with my daily obsessive and unhealthy morning ritual, I have logged on to his cell phone account and see he has been on his phone as of one hour ago. So he is alive, and for at least a few more hours, I can have slight peace in knowing that. MWM- You are so correct in the possibility that he might be abusing drugs of some kind. I truly have no way of knowing yay or nay. He was not using the 2 years he was in my home (again, only to my knowledge). I only witnessed a very depressed and almost catatonic difficult child in his room playing video games all day and night. SuZir- I realize I am helpless in doing any more for him. But I always have that nagging feeling that there is still something I could do, even from miles and miles away? I have no phone numbers or contact information for anyone he is with over there, which was obviously by difficult child's choice not to provide since my parents and I both asked repeatedly for. Last night I again offered my love and support and my assistance in finding help for him, to which he simply replied "no thanks". He claims to be schizophrenic, no therapist he met with ever diagnosed him with this, but difficult child does a lot of research on mental health websites, always trying to find out "what the eff is wrong with me" as he would say. The only diagnosis we ever got was depression. He refused any medication of any kind, refuses to ever go to another doctor or clinic again. He has no job since he said last night "schizophrenics can't hold down jobs, nor can they have relationships with other people". So I am left not even knowing how to reply to all that. Part of me wanted to help him, as much as one can help via a text conversation. But part of me was feeling so tortured by all his words and picturing him in such despair with all possible bridges burned. So I finally had to just cut the conversation off. Unfortunately I ended up crying by eyes out and coupled with me battling the flu this week, I had to call in sick. Which was awful because I had to make phone calls to fellow coworkers to please help me and do the work I had to get done today. This is really affecting my career now. I really wanted to feel normal waking up so I could march in there and do the job they pay me to do (I'm an admin assist for a VP) and so my VP counts on me big time with his scheduling and so many other things. I know he was not pleased that I was not in. Anyway, bottom line.. difficult child is alive, I am barely hanging on emotionally, but feel like we bought another day since I see he's using his phone, but never knowing what tomorrow will bring, and now knowing his plans to leave his friend's house and go "into the woods", the anxiety and pain is overwhelming. He used to tell me he thought he was a psychopath and in a very sad and dysfunctional way I hoped it was true, because I read that psychopaths think so highly of themselves, that they would never really harm themselves. I didn't even care that he probably hated and manipulated me, just knowing he wouldn't harm himself was enough for me to smile. But now this. I thank you for all of your support, I know I need to accept and detach - as I have known that was always the solution if I were to ever find any peace in my heart. I had to email my mom and break the sad news to her and confirm he really has gotten worse (or not better at all), so I am not looking forward to her response because she overdramatizes everything and makes me worry worse and cry more. So many lives affected and destroyed by mental illness. I have always said I would try a local support group as suggested on this board, but never found the time or I was just plum exhausted from work and caring for my easy child, but I think, for my own sanity and well being, I need to seek one out and start attending. It's just too much to bear. I am so alone, my parents have finally begun to enjoy their retirement (they both retired a few months ago while difficult child was living with them, so they absolutely could not enjoy retirement while he was there), they are finally able to travel and enjoy each other, so I hate to burden them with these things, but as you can see, my mom still constantly worries over him. I was seeing a lovely man off and on for the past 3 years, but had to let him go because of my emotional issues with difficult child. This man has re-entered my life when difficult child moved away and we were starting to finally have a nice connection again (this was while I was pretending in my mind that difficult child was somehow improving out of state with his friends), but now that I know he's still bad off, I have begun to push the lovely man in my life away again. I just can't talk to him about it. So alone. But I have you fellow mommy warriors, so I really am not alone. Thank you all again. [/QUOTE]
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