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how to prepare for difficult child to come out of rehab?
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<blockquote data-quote="saving grace" data-source="post: 111882" data-attributes="member: 1538"><p>Jmama, hmmmm How do I say this?? It is very normal that your are anticipating his release and your anxiety is very normal as well. BUT... step back and look at all the worry you have and all the energy you are putting into just the thought of him being there, it doesnt compare to what you will feel and experience once he is there.</p><p>This will be a HUGE commtitment from you. </p><p></p><p>Let him make his own decisions, I would NOT approach him, he needs to figure it out for himself. IF you go to him it may just put the "easy way" out into his mind and he will go for it. If he is not used to asking you for help then it will be good for him and his "ego" if he has to. And it will be one step closer to you knowing that he is serious.</p><p></p><p>With that said... He and only HE is responsible for himself. YOU set your rules, write them down have him sign it. Write down exactly what you expect. Your other child's life should not suffer at all. He must find his own way to treatment, he must adhere to your rules. He must work stay clean etc...</p><p></p><p>You will worry, you should lock up ALL valuables, you should not trust what he says until he PROVES he deserves it. Just because he says he admires his counseler and likes his classes and wants to change doesnt mean when outside he will have the strentgh to do it. You say this is his first rehab? Right now he wants and feels all of the things he says because he is there. When he gets out you will be amazed at how quickly they forget.</p><p>I compare it to labor for women, when your in labor you it hurts so bad and you swear you will never do it again, then a few days then weeks later and you "forget" how much it actually hurt and you start thinking you just might have another baby but man this waking up in the middle of the night is tough so you just toy with the idea, then 6 weeks goes by and the baby is sleeping through the night and taking two 3 hour naps a day and you think Man this is easy I could do it again and then you start planning your next baby, next thing you know your pregnant but you never really thought of hard it will be with two babies,</p><p></p><p>I know I sound like a loony but that is how I make sense of it. They "forget" how bad it was and each time they relapse it only gets harder. </p><p></p><p>Decide what works for you. Talk to husband and your son thats home and decide what works for them. </p><p>Then if difficult child comes to your for help tell him the plan and if he agrees then start your journey but it will not be easy.</p><p></p><p>Grace</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="saving grace, post: 111882, member: 1538"] Jmama, hmmmm How do I say this?? It is very normal that your are anticipating his release and your anxiety is very normal as well. BUT... step back and look at all the worry you have and all the energy you are putting into just the thought of him being there, it doesnt compare to what you will feel and experience once he is there. This will be a HUGE commtitment from you. Let him make his own decisions, I would NOT approach him, he needs to figure it out for himself. IF you go to him it may just put the "easy way" out into his mind and he will go for it. If he is not used to asking you for help then it will be good for him and his "ego" if he has to. And it will be one step closer to you knowing that he is serious. With that said... He and only HE is responsible for himself. YOU set your rules, write them down have him sign it. Write down exactly what you expect. Your other child's life should not suffer at all. He must find his own way to treatment, he must adhere to your rules. He must work stay clean etc... You will worry, you should lock up ALL valuables, you should not trust what he says until he PROVES he deserves it. Just because he says he admires his counseler and likes his classes and wants to change doesnt mean when outside he will have the strentgh to do it. You say this is his first rehab? Right now he wants and feels all of the things he says because he is there. When he gets out you will be amazed at how quickly they forget. I compare it to labor for women, when your in labor you it hurts so bad and you swear you will never do it again, then a few days then weeks later and you "forget" how much it actually hurt and you start thinking you just might have another baby but man this waking up in the middle of the night is tough so you just toy with the idea, then 6 weeks goes by and the baby is sleeping through the night and taking two 3 hour naps a day and you think Man this is easy I could do it again and then you start planning your next baby, next thing you know your pregnant but you never really thought of hard it will be with two babies, I know I sound like a loony but that is how I make sense of it. They "forget" how bad it was and each time they relapse it only gets harder. Decide what works for you. Talk to husband and your son thats home and decide what works for them. Then if difficult child comes to your for help tell him the plan and if he agrees then start your journey but it will not be easy. Grace [/QUOTE]
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