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Substance Abuse
How to stop enabling my herion addict son!
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<blockquote data-quote="PatriotsGirl" data-source="post: 543441"><p>Oh momma, I can feel the terror in your post, too. We really have been there. My daughter's doctor (drug of choice) is crystal meth. It turned her from a beautiful, gorgeous young lady to an unkept monster that cannot hold it together. She put our home through so much turmoil and constantly refused treatment. You think if they are under 18 you can force them into rehab - nope. If they are unwilling, rehabs will not take them without a court order. Ugh. Once she turned 17 (a legal adult in my state) I had to give her the ultimatum of going to rehab or not living in our home. She chose to not live in our home. It has been about a year and a half now. She is not any better. She is now also addicted to a loser boyfriend that sells the ****. She was arrested for shoplifting and goes to court soon - I am praying the court sends her to rehab or jail, but realistically, she will probably get a slap on the hand and go back to her druggie life. She couch surfs and stays in hotels that her loser boyfriend pays for because she was banned from where he lives (still don't know what she did - but it was a house of drug addicts so it had to be really bad). It is hell. I was such a wreck and I was <em>so</em> co-dependant on her addiction. You are too. You are going to need as much help as your son. You need to detach as HARD as that is to do for us moms. Oh, add my husband to the list of men easily able to detach and gosh, he was so angry all of the time. At me, at her, at our life. Looking back <em>now</em>, I cannot blame him. What she put us through was ridiculous. What I put up with was ridiculous. And all for the hope that something would click with her. That she would decide that she did not want that life anymore. That she would want the life I had dreamed for her - college, work - you know, a normal life. Didn't happen. Still hasn't happened. I can tell you what has happened, though. My home is peaceful. Happy. My sanctuary. I never saw my home as that before - I used to dread coming home. Never knew what I was going to come home to. I was nervous whenever I was gone not knowing what couold be happening in my house when I wasn't there. I shudder thinking about how it used to be here. Even my easy child is flourishing with her no longer living here. Sure, he misses his sister and I miss her too. I miss her so much my heart aches. I love her more than anything in the entire world and if she called me to say she was ready to go to rehab, I would drop everything to take her there. But until that time, there is nothing I can do but pray for her and remind her that we are here and we love her and we will help when she is ready. </p><p></p><p>Now if your son is serious - find a rehab - inpatient - now. I would definitely offer an ultimatum. Now he may not choose what you want him to, but it has to be his choice and you have to let him make it. You have to stand your ground. Do you want to live in misery? </p><p></p><p>If he is living in your home and is able to be a druggie there while living in comfort - of course nothing is going to change. Why would it? He is getting exactly what he wants. You need to make life for him as uncomfortable as possible. Sometimes people only go to rehab when they have run out of all other options and are so uncomfortable and miserable that they finally give in. that is what happened to my brother and he has been sober for years now - doing amazingly well!!! I hope the same for my daughter one day, but he has taught me that she needs to hit bottom and the more I rescue her, the further down I am pushing bottom. You got to let bottom come UP, if not help it come UP, Know what I mean?? </p><p></p><p>Whew - I think this is the longest post I have written in quite a while. But I just had to let you know that you are NOT alone. We are all here for you - please keep coming back. This forum and these ladies are the ONLY reason I have been able to detach and cope!! Without them, I would be a crumbling mess still. </p><p></p><p>Please read Co-Dependant no more - it will help you help your son. (((HUGS)))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="PatriotsGirl, post: 543441"] Oh momma, I can feel the terror in your post, too. We really have been there. My daughter's doctor (drug of choice) is crystal meth. It turned her from a beautiful, gorgeous young lady to an unkept monster that cannot hold it together. She put our home through so much turmoil and constantly refused treatment. You think if they are under 18 you can force them into rehab - nope. If they are unwilling, rehabs will not take them without a court order. Ugh. Once she turned 17 (a legal adult in my state) I had to give her the ultimatum of going to rehab or not living in our home. She chose to not live in our home. It has been about a year and a half now. She is not any better. She is now also addicted to a loser boyfriend that sells the ****. She was arrested for shoplifting and goes to court soon - I am praying the court sends her to rehab or jail, but realistically, she will probably get a slap on the hand and go back to her druggie life. She couch surfs and stays in hotels that her loser boyfriend pays for because she was banned from where he lives (still don't know what she did - but it was a house of drug addicts so it had to be really bad). It is hell. I was such a wreck and I was [I]so[/I] co-dependant on her addiction. You are too. You are going to need as much help as your son. You need to detach as HARD as that is to do for us moms. Oh, add my husband to the list of men easily able to detach and gosh, he was so angry all of the time. At me, at her, at our life. Looking back [I]now[/I], I cannot blame him. What she put us through was ridiculous. What I put up with was ridiculous. And all for the hope that something would click with her. That she would decide that she did not want that life anymore. That she would want the life I had dreamed for her - college, work - you know, a normal life. Didn't happen. Still hasn't happened. I can tell you what has happened, though. My home is peaceful. Happy. My sanctuary. I never saw my home as that before - I used to dread coming home. Never knew what I was going to come home to. I was nervous whenever I was gone not knowing what couold be happening in my house when I wasn't there. I shudder thinking about how it used to be here. Even my easy child is flourishing with her no longer living here. Sure, he misses his sister and I miss her too. I miss her so much my heart aches. I love her more than anything in the entire world and if she called me to say she was ready to go to rehab, I would drop everything to take her there. But until that time, there is nothing I can do but pray for her and remind her that we are here and we love her and we will help when she is ready. Now if your son is serious - find a rehab - inpatient - now. I would definitely offer an ultimatum. Now he may not choose what you want him to, but it has to be his choice and you have to let him make it. You have to stand your ground. Do you want to live in misery? If he is living in your home and is able to be a druggie there while living in comfort - of course nothing is going to change. Why would it? He is getting exactly what he wants. You need to make life for him as uncomfortable as possible. Sometimes people only go to rehab when they have run out of all other options and are so uncomfortable and miserable that they finally give in. that is what happened to my brother and he has been sober for years now - doing amazingly well!!! I hope the same for my daughter one day, but he has taught me that she needs to hit bottom and the more I rescue her, the further down I am pushing bottom. You got to let bottom come UP, if not help it come UP, Know what I mean?? Whew - I think this is the longest post I have written in quite a while. But I just had to let you know that you are NOT alone. We are all here for you - please keep coming back. This forum and these ladies are the ONLY reason I have been able to detach and cope!! Without them, I would be a crumbling mess still. Please read Co-Dependant no more - it will help you help your son. (((HUGS))) [/QUOTE]
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